It is the new year, I have told my sister that I will start losing weight this year. She chuckled and said, you will gain more weight, it is year of the pig! (lol).

The class has resumed yesterday, I have been busy these past few days making  assignments and between making an assignment, I am tweaking my WordPress Themes in this blog, as you can notice my theme is now a bit smaller, I have removed the other sidebar to make my blog mobile-friendly.  The first assignment was given before the holiday vacation, but I just work with it. Blame it to my mañana habit or to my procrastinating self, I have enjoyed the holiday slacking off at home, sleeping and reading lots of things, well I think even my friends at school did the same.

[Photo courtesy of StartupStockPhotos/pixabay.com]

It was a good thing we had no class yesterday, we are just told to submit our assignment and we can go home and that’s where a friend had asked me if I have already heard what had happened to one of our friends, it turns out a scandal broke online which I am not aware because I abstained from using social media these past few days.  I was shocked, in-disbelief, sad on what I have heard. I can’t imagine my friend’s pain and depression, I have sent her messages and told her to be strong, not to overthink and I am just around if she needs someone to talk with, but she remained silent, send short responses and sorry, she might not be ready yet to face the world. It was also this time of the year when I deactivated my Facebook years ago and it was also time of the year when her world turn gray and dull, that shocked all of us, it is ironic that when I am not around online in social media something depressing happened to her.

I was sad because I have told her many times to find a nice guy, and not to pick someone like picking a hammer that she will use to hit her own head at the end, to find a guy that will be able to accept her and her kids, someone free and no attachment, but I guess she didn’t listen. I hope she will remain strong for her kids and family and I hope she will be able to talk to us freely one day and be able to smile and laugh again.

The month of January, is the most expensive month for me and maybe for many business owners.   It is the month where I have to renew my motorcycle license, business permit and license, pay the last quarter of percentage tax and pay the income tax.  My mother had told me not to renew the business license anymore, because it isn’t doing well after all the dealers failed to pay their dues, my biggest dealer had lost it.   I told her I can’t because it will be a lot of work to close it in the tax office.

My aunt and the other people who owned small stores in the neighborhood have been busy getting business permits these days, while the others are wondering how to get it since their business income isn’t sufficient, it turns out the store owners were asked to get licenses, register at tax office and get business certificates after they were called in the barangay a few weeks ago for a meeting, my mother had not told me about the meeting, because she said I already have complete permits.

[Photo courtesy of jarmoluk/pixabay.com]

Today, even a small store needs a permit to do a business. Well,  I am not yet working with the renewals, maybe next week when I collected all my shackles, I have asked payment from a dealer the other day, but she just waved her hand, saying that she has no money to pay (epic). The other one had promised to pay before Christmas, but New Year had passed I am not seeing her shadow yet,  the other dealer I brought to barangay court didn’t show up anymore after paying partially, with this problems, I stopped transacting with dealers and just let my mother accept orders from our neighbors, I will do business again when everything is settled.

Whenever I dreamed during the night I tend to forget that dream in the morning, that’s why I seldom wrote and blog about dreams in this blog. My dream last night was so vivid that I am able to remember it,  I found myself in a distant neighbor’s house which is also a distant relative, it looks like it wasn’t only me who was there.  There are other women from the church in the house, but I have arrived late so I was left outside. Instead of following them through the wooden door, I was left outside wandering about the relative’s house, it looks so small but it is quite big with a lot of rooms made of glass, that no matter which side I go and look, all I can see were glass doors and rooms. Since the room is made of glass, I can literally see what is inside the room, but one room is very particular in my dream where I have seen what is inside, decors, bed and the bedding,  saw it twice while wondering how is it possible for a small house to have  a lot of room.

[Photo courtesy of Masson-Wintergarten/pixabay.com]

Then my dream hopped seeing myself cooking on a large wok in the fire wood stove, it looks like I am still in the relative’s yard, backyard, presumably and I am cooking for  the women inside the house, then suddenly a cousin wearing a sad face came and sat in the vacant chair, I have asked him something, like if the people inside the house were not finished yet.

[Photo courtesy of Trinck/pixabay.com]

My dream hopped again, seeing myself in the street just above a stone stairs (it looks like I am going to the house under the street/stairs), talking to an Uncle wearing a yellow shirt. In my dream I am telling myself that his wife, my aunt already passed away, as I look down the stairs I saw a yellow poop. I was told by my uncle that another uncle had collapsed and lost consciousness because of stroke and my dream ended as I woke up feeling so cold.

What would you do if you find something that is lost? That something is what you really like and you already formed a bond with it, then suddenly the rightful owner comes along. Are you going to keep it or are you going to let go of it?

Keeping it might not be a bad idea, because you didn’t steal it. It isn’t your fault that the rightful owner isn’t mindful of his pets, things and possessions, the owner probably just realized the importance of the object/animals when it is gone, but you as a person who also lost things/pets without finding them back, you know and understand the feeling of emptiness, so you will return that thing you found, no matter how you liked it, because you know in yourself, you will not be happy owning it when you know that someone is crying over it and who know maybe that thing you found, wanted to be reunited with its rightful owner as well, you may never know because animals/things can’t speak, isn’t it? All you need is closure and peace of mind that you didn’t aggravate/hurt someone.

Anyway, on New Years eve one of my cats came home tagging along two cute kittens with her. My older cousin ‘s daughter able to grab the smallest kitten and was handed to me, while the second one is scared and can’t be caught. The kitten is starving so I feed her and when I woke up in the morning to check the kitten, in my surprised I found the second kitten sleeping with the first one, I fed them both with milk and food and bathed them both because they are dirty and full of lice.

It has been almost four days since the kittens were in my care, but I never heard anyone searching for them. I guess I can keep and love them, but honestly I am scared thinking that someone will take them from me anytime, but I know if someone look for them and wanted them back, I have to let go of these two cute kitties to their rightful owner.

Read more at  The Best New Year Gift Ever – Two White Cute Kittens Came Over on New Year’s Eve

The clan held a year end party in the new year, this is my second time to attend it and I think it is the 3rd or 4th time it was done, it was rushed decision actually. It was just decided on Christmas day and a family meeting was made in the 27th to finalize it, after the practiced of the wedding entourage for my aunt’s golden wedding celebration.

The year end program didn’t start early because there was  a New Year’s service at church which I have attended, but even if the service was finished the program didn’t start right away since most of the members of the clans are not around yet, they are still taking their time off at their homes.

[Photo courtesy of readersfusion.com]

As expected, the program started late and it was not properly prepared. The kids have an intermission number, literally they were just asked to dance by following what’s on the screen and the adults were requested to have one as well, an aunt and two cousins did it to everyone’s laughter, afterwards there was nothing else to do so games followed, I hosted three games after an older cousin hosted one, I have to encourage them big time to participate, then exchange gifts and then dinner follows.

Everyone was almost finished eating when 12 o’clock strikes, my young cousins had fun playing with fire crackers, sky rockets and fireworks, then someone in the village had a firework display to everyone’s excitement. Then everyone started to go home when one o’clock in the morning came, there are few who are left who sing videoke and karaoke.  My sister, few of my cousins and I were left, my sister and I cannot sleep yet because our sound system were outside, they were the one used for the clan’s year end party.

It was almost four o’clock in the morning when I finally able to sleep, and after 2 hours and half, I am already awake to start my first day of 2019.

Wedding anniversary is one of the joyous occasion for married couple, it was the time where they have look back at their wedding day and the years that had passed by. The golden anniversary is one of the most celebrated wedding anniversaries, by both the married couple themselves and by their friends and family. Most married couple has their own story to tell, they have their own little dramas, obstacles, problems and happiness.

Only few had ever reach the so called “Golden Wedding Anniversary” since most marriage today end up with break-ups and divorce.  Most couple today were easy to give up with each other, they easily get tired of constant nagging from the wife or husband, they made small issues larger, they were easy to get hurt and collect resentments, they let their pride took toll and both speak at the same time without listening and understanding what other has to say, without knowing and accepting each other’s weaknesses and fears, they grow apart rather than together.

Anyway, the other day my eldest aunt and her husband celebrated their “50th wedding anniversary” or what they called Golden Wedding Anniversary,  their kids planned renewal of vows and party for them. Their marriage isn’t perfect, they fought like crazy as witness of their union says, like there comes a time my furious aunt almost cut her husband’s arm with a rusty bolo, that made my uncle do a trip to the hospital, so it was astonishing that they reached 50 years together, either they really love each other or both of them became delusional and just look at the positive traits of each other rather than looking at their negative traits and weaknesses.

The wedding ceremony was held at Lyns Fern Garden as well as the reception to save time, effort and money in decorating the church. It was a successful event attended by relatives, friends and workmates of the celebrators.  I was primarily requested by my cousin to be the photographer of the event, but I declined because my DSLR camera is acting up or the mirror seems broken, it produces white blank images when shooting especially during the day. It was my long goal to buy a new one, but it seems the more you dream for something, the more it became elusive.

Well, I wore the red shoes on the said event after much deliberation on what to wear. I shopped those shoes on my cousins wedding, two years ago but I didn’t end up wearing them. The wedding ceremony was done like how the normal wedding was done except there are no cord and veil ceremony anymore,  after which, dinner was served.

Shopping for me is like a therapy, I have shopped a lot two years ago from dresses to shoes. I have never wore most of them, I have been contented keeping them and when it is time for me to use them, the shoes were not in great condition anymore, especially shoes/sandals from Natasha, the materials were stripping. I have used them only once and I already let them collect dust, since they were not in good condition anymore. My sister then had told me, that is how the brand work. The less you used them, the more they deemed unusable, but the more you wear them, the more the materials became elastic and strong.

Tomorrow will be my eldest aunt and her husband’s  50th wedding anniversary, they will have renewal of vows and party and everyone is obliged to wear dresses and be glam if possible.

So to speak, I have to dig my closet for shoes to wear, I have bought a few from Zalora two years ago, they are a bit expensive but worth it. I have never wore them, but they are still in good condition and just need some cleaning as they collect dust after being keep for a long time.

Since, it is golden wedding anniversary the theme for tomorrow is golden yellow. I have tried a bridesmaid dress and I look like a pig in it.

Well, I cannot decide on what shoes to wear, I prefer the red one and my sister likes it too, but my mother disapproves it.

There was a short drama last Christmas eve that disturbed the celebration, someone short-circuited after drinking too much, went emotional and flared up. Instead of feeling happy that time, we have been busy looking after my mother who had a panic attacked, I went too nervous and scared.

Anyway, as I looked back on Christmas day it wasn’t bad after all.  Contrary to other Christmases where I bought myself, my own gifts, I have received gifts from friends and relatives, not just one but three gifts.

It was on the 23rd when we are eating dinner when someone call out my name to buy ice pack, I was a bit disturbed because it was me who has to go outside when I am not near the door since it was me who is called, before I can even frown at  the person outside (lol), she handed me two packs of something into my surprise (a special barquiron and Ube Piaya) which is two of my favorite PH native delicacies, was told it was for me which made me too thankful.  It was an unexpected gift from a second cousin’s wife, because were really not too close.

On Christmas day, my sister’s bf came home with three Toblerone’s in hand after being outside.  One of them was given to me, it turns out, our youngest aunt gave it to him for us. I always feel happy and joyful every time I received Toblerone on Christmas day because it reminds me of the time where it was just a dream for the little me.  When I was a kid, I have wished to receive Toblerone too on Christmas day when another kid got it as a white gift from his relatives one Christmas night. During those times Toblerone had been just for rich kid/families and for a dirt poor like us, all we can afford is the cheap chocolates in the store (lol).

Anyway, it is not a secret that I love chocolates and cats, but only few people know that I love collecting pens and notebooks, most of my money in Korea were spent in Watsons and yep Daiso, that is why half of my junks in Korea where notebooks, booklets and art materials.  That is why I am so ecstatic when a friend and his little son handed me a notebook journal as a Christmas gift.

Honestly, I seldom received gifts from other people and I think it is the first time I received a Christmas gift from friends and with that thank you so much!

Christmas is a time of celebration, the time where people should be merry and happy.  On the 24th it was my late grandma’s birthday so I lit a candle for her while everyone is busy cooking for the Christmas food, I thought everything is going to be well, not until something happened. It was shocking, I don’t know if I should feel nervous first or should I cry first. It feels so bad that I want to escape the moment, I want to run and never come back. I am tired, I wanted rest.

We decided to sleep early and didn’t wait for 12 AM anymore, when I wake up it is already morning and the fear, the sadness is still there lingering. I hate drama, all I wanted is peaceful living that is why when something happened between my sis bf and other relatives, I decided to withdraw from their drama and be at peace.

Well, it is Christmas day today and it feels empty, I went to church in the early morning and the basis of the sermon was from Luke 2: 1-7, with the theme Jesus – The Reason for the Season, where Pastor E talks about the birth of Jesus Christ and what is Christmas all about, he said that Christmas is a time of Celebration, Proclamation and Demonstration. He also said, we cannot celebrate Christmas if there is no joy in our hearts, so I guess there isn’t joy in mine.

Pastor E then shared a short story and afterwards asked if how is our heart doing, if is there is also something hard in our heart that we cannot forgive, open our hearts and be good with our brothers and sisters.

Anyway, after church most of our relatives went to our house for Christmas food. As expected, it was a bit of chaos with little children playing around and adults talking to each other, and it was decided that the clan will have the annual New Year’s party.

Christmas Day is not red or green, it is blue. #ChristmasBlues

The celebration of Christmas fellowship in church was quite different from the previous years,  it wasn’t held in the evening of 23rd anymore nor the 24th.  It was held after Sunday service since 23rd day of December fell on Sunday, there was a fellowship lunch but I decided to went home and eat and returned when the Christmas program was about to start.

The Christmas program isn’t meticulous like the previous years where there was Christmas Cantata and presentations, the fellowship today was just simply made of few presentation  from auxiliary organizations (youth and women), games, exchange gifts and raffles and a simple snacks there after.

Honestly, I don’t know what is happening but it seems the old Christmas tradition in the church is slowly fading and changing.  When I am still a kid, I remember there was role playing in church and I have even joined a Christmas concert back then when I really don’t know how to sing, and it was the last time I have joined group singing because when I went to back into my chair feeling happy after performing with the other kids, an aunt blurted out that I sing too loud when I am out of tune (lol).