It was been raining hard these past two days and last night was no different. In the middle of my sleep I was visited of the same dream again, the same, because the dream was familiar and I knew that it wasn’t the first time I have dreamed of it.

The dream was about me and my friends who are my coworker in this life, we sailed through a wooden boat and it was capsized and me doesn’t know how to swim drowned, but I was very peaceful when I drowned, I didn’t struggle to live nor to breath, I just accepted it was already my end.

[Photo courtesy of Engin Akyurt/pexels.com]

To dream of dying wasn’t new to me, I dreamed of it once and I thought I have wrote that dream, but perhaps I didn’t because I can’t find it.

On that dream, I am a man lying in the hospital bed surrounded by my wife and two children, I was dying and gasping for air, but everything was very peaceful, that dream was very realistic because I can feel it until I woke up from the dream.

The realization hits me that my dreams about me dying were my past life, I have been trying to do past life regressions these past few months, but I keep jumping back to the present, but there are two new things I saw when I did the regression.

First, it was very dark and all of a sudden a bomb exploded and the only thing I saw was a baby wrap in a pink blanket thrown into the air cause by the explosion, second was seeing a fire camp, it was dark ages, I am black knight I guess, now I understand why I am so interested with the dark ages when I am in secondary grade, I was too excited learning about that age or era.

Every night I always had a dream but most of the time I forgot what is it after going to the bathroom to pee.  I have been blogging my dreams but due to intermittent connection I didn’t bother documenting it again.

Anyway, since I was young I knew I was an old soul.  I knew I was born before but I just don’t know when and how I live my life and how many times I was born. When I met an accident when I was young, I was hit and run-over by motorcycle I have recollection on how I live my life as a kid, it was like they were flashback right on my eyes and then all I remember I was going down in a spiral and I woke up asking for a water.  I have never told anyone about it because I have thought it was normal.

Moreover, I always have recurring dream of being in a familiar place when in reality I have never been there and I can’t remember the place in my dream. I have dreamed often too being a child living in a different planet,  I see fires, burning city, flying metal objects just like how the city in Jean Claude Van Damme’s movie Universal Soldier I didn’t think about it that much maybe because it was just created by my brain when I was asleep.

Growing up, I enjoyed reading mystery, horror and metaphysical stories. I am fascinated with the theory of reincarnation, I can spend my whole day reading stories about it, lately I have been reading new stories again. It was been my long wish to do past life regression but I just don’t know how to find people that could help me with it.  I search about how to do it alone and last night before going to sleep when everything is silent I tried to do it, it was hard for me to concentrate because it is either my hand felt itchy or my foot does,  after trying so hard I saw a vision, I have seen a yellow flower in a vase in a door to the balcony (maybe that’s why I prefer yellow flower than the red ones), dark dirty water seeing it from below, a hospital bed then I felt anxious so I went out the imaginary door and rest  to an imaginary chair.  When I went in the door again,  I saw a train coming, I have heard its sound, I am in a station, it wasn’t the present era, it was in sepia, the train looks like running through a steam engine there was a lot of people rushing I was feeling frantic because I couldn’t see myself, I want to see myself on this period and then I saw a beautiful sophisticated woman wearing sophisticated black dress with a black hat just like how Audrey Hepburn was, she has pearl earrings and she was very beautiful white female like a celebrity, then my vision hop seeing an Asian small old man sitting at the corner of his hospital bed, he is wearing a hospital pajama and as if he is waiting for someone, a visit from family maybe but there was a thought that he is all alone then I came back feeling tired and empty, I fell asleep instantly.

[Photo courtesy of Hoang Le/pexels.com]

There are times there are familiar people in my dreams but in reality they are not existing in my present world and there are times there are people I know in my present life but they have different face in my dream.

Fear of Snake

I am very afraid of snake just imagining it getting near me I cringe. Not so long ago I dreamed of being a beautiful woman with a long black hair with an olive skin living in a tribe wearing a traditional tribal clothing adorned with stones or bones in my forehead, neck and clothing. It feels like I am about to marry a chieftain or son of a chieftain but I don’t know what happened, the woman in my tribe standing next to me is jealous of me, in present life she is an older cousin. On that dream I saw myself and her lying in a bed made of hay and a black snake was crawling underneath and black out, I woke up with a fear like there was a snake in my bed. It was like we are executed by a snake bite or we are chosen through a snake… ah dunno what is it!

Fascinated with the Sea

Since I was a child I am fascinated seeing the sea, I always wish that the jeep I rode every afternoon to home will traverse the road near the sea, I felt ecstatic and happy seeing the sea but the truth was I don’t know how to swim and I never learned how to do it no matter how I tried. I am also afraid going to the deep part of the sea I guess it has connection of me seeing a dark dirty water last night, maybe on my previous life I drowned at the sea or in a pond. What is interesting when I was sixteen years of age I almost drowned with my classmate in a river.

I have read from other story tellers that there are times things happened like they happened in the past, so I guess I died from drowning when I was sixteen years old on my past life. What do you think?

Familiarity with the Jantar Mantar

When J and I went to India, specifically  in Jaipur (Jantar Mantar) I frantically told him “I have been here, I saw this already!” when it was the first of me seeing it. I cannot recall seeing it in movies nor in photo, I have remember myself walking around the Sundials climbing with one of them to see the stars. When we are in India, I am always mistaken a local of the country.

Out of Tuned Music

Many people who knew me knows that I don’t know how to sing, I am out of tuned but there is part of me who believes that on my past life I was a good singer but I cursed it, I wonder if it has relation to the beautiful woman in the train station.

Hospital and Balcony

Growing up I am scared of going to a hospital, furthermore meeting a doctor alone.  I was also scared of heights and looking over a balcony, when I was in grade school I remember how I felt sick looking down from the third floor and I also remember how I felt cold feet every time I look down below the balcony of J’s apartment in Korea, I was scared of falling and I always felt like throwing up whenever I looked down I guess it has to do with the balcony and the old man I saw in his hospital pajama, did I committed suicide at a balcony on that life?

I have a lot of questions and I wonder how many lives did I live, which of my dreams are true and are all of my visions are real?  It was said your birthmarks was the cause of your death on your past life, I have one in my forehead and there is something at the back of my head and I have a birthmark in the right side of my body too… I sometimes wonder if these are bullet or arrows point of entry.

Whenever I dreamed during the night I tend to forget that dream in the morning, that’s why I seldom wrote and blog about dreams in this blog. My dream last night was so vivid that I am able to remember it,  I found myself in a distant neighbor’s house which is also a distant relative, it looks like it wasn’t only me who was there.  There are other women from the church in the house, but I have arrived late so I was left outside. Instead of following them through the wooden door, I was left outside wandering about the relative’s house, it looks so small but it is quite big with a lot of rooms made of glass, that no matter which side I go and look, all I can see were glass doors and rooms. Since the room is made of glass, I can literally see what is inside the room, but one room is very particular in my dream where I have seen what is inside, decors, bed and the bedding,  saw it twice while wondering how is it possible for a small house to have  a lot of room.

[Photo courtesy of Masson-Wintergarten/pixabay.com]

Then my dream hopped seeing myself cooking on a large wok in the fire wood stove, it looks like I am still in the relative’s yard, backyard, presumably and I am cooking for  the women inside the house, then suddenly a cousin wearing a sad face came and sat in the vacant chair, I have asked him something, like if the people inside the house were not finished yet.

[Photo courtesy of Trinck/pixabay.com]

My dream hopped again, seeing myself in the street just above a stone stairs (it looks like I am going to the house under the street/stairs), talking to an Uncle wearing a yellow shirt. In my dream I am telling myself that his wife, my aunt already passed away, as I look down the stairs I saw a yellow poop. I was told by my uncle that another uncle had collapsed and lost consciousness because of stroke and my dream ended as I woke up feeling so cold.

Mornings should make us refresh and energize but I am not feeling that way three days in a row, I woke up feeling sick, tired and have puffy eyes today , I have a dream again last night and as usual I have forgot what is all about after getting up, I have remember it when I suddenly woke up but when I return to bed and sleep and then wake up again to start my day, I can’t remember anymore what was my dream last night aside from a white shirt, people wearing white shirt, my dream the previous night was all about leaves/trees but I can’t really remember the story, the first night was I already don’t know, hahaha.

[Photo courtesy of Free-Photos/pixabay.com]

Well, I guess I should write down my dreams before going back to sleep so I won’t forget it in the morning. What I hate when I dreamed at night was I felt so tired waking up that as if my soul is wandered the whole night.  I have read that “waking up exhausted after many disturbing dreams is a common experience for many depressed people”. LMAO, does it mean I am depressed? And does it mean, when I dreamed every night last year I was too depressed, I was just so procrastinated to write about my dreams those times because I forgot them after doing house hold chores. I have only stop dreaming early this year, which mean my mind was already at peace and my dreams started again to visit me every night, I think I need to eat more ice cream, huh?

Anyway, was feeling blue last night while washing pet dishes. I have remember my grandmother and I suddenly missed her, the thought of she is not around anymore made me sad and before tears fall down my eyes, a leaping frog hops towards me and I  knew it already, my grandmother doesn’t want me to feel sad and blue.

These past few days, I spend most of my time reading true ghost stories and sleeping, yep, I am back to my old habit of reading supernatural stories and reading my day to day horoscope. I have been away for a few months, so I was overwhelmed of many stories to read online. To those who don’t know me yet, my likes are contradicting to each other. I believe in compassion and caring with other people, but I love mystery thriller/suspense and dark themes in movies/books. I have a different mindset and I have sensitivity in me, I can feel other people’s emotions and it is killing me because it seems I can read a bit what is on their mind or feel their emotions at that moment, I think it was one of the reasons why I have social anxiety.

[Photo courtesy of freeGraphicToday/pixabay.com]

Hence, I already knew what other people’s feeling before they can even speak and to those who know me well, they knew that I seldom stay still, be serious and looked into people faces when conversing because I knew when they are impress or not despite their smiling faces, which actually most of the time irritates my family, they asked me to stop  doing it, which is I am trying to do recently, part of it I think is being shy and not being confident.

Honestly, there are times I can foresee things without knowing it, before J and I parted ways. I have already feel what would happen and what is the six months of travel all about, he actually got pissed off of me taking a lot of photos a few hours before our departing flight, even saying, I act weird that as if we are not going to see each other anymore, and yep we didn’t anymore.

[Photo courtesy of Stergo/pixabay.com]

Just like what happened a few days ago, I have already felt it (me being restless) and I already expected what will happen, but I resisted and waited for a friend to speak up. Anyway, I woke up in a wrong side of bed today where the black hole is eating me up again. It was like I went back to my old self feeling blue, but when I accidentally got a long cut in my upper arm early in the morning from a protruding wire, I have returned into my senses that I am still alive and my cut is painful. 😭

Today, I am trying to do some focus and do some blogging chores I have not been doing since I live in my made-up world.  You know what, I wished, I can tell everyone that there are just times I don’t feel like talking or responding to messages, which is rude to other people, but this is me finding solitude and peace within myself (re: my unread and not responded messages/comments from friends and tourism classmates).

[Photo courtesy of Free-Photos/pixabay.com]

Well, RBM will do some falls hunting out of town on Sunday, but unfortunately I can’t go with them because it is Thanksgiving Sunday on November 25th, priorities matters and don’t know if I can do some hiking again when I have class schedule on weekends too.

I have been dreaming lately but I am procrastinated to write about them because of my slow internet connection. I have two dreams last  night and my second dream was  somewhat weird, it started by seeing myself in the middle of a busy market and then I heard a loud sound, an airplane emerged from the sky, it is flying low and uncontrollable and then I heard a crashed sound coming from the mountains. The plane crashed, people immediately run towards the crashed site but I run home to get my camera and informed my friends. What is weird, I wasn’t rushing when I felt like I have too, along the way I saw our college instructor and our house became a school. My friends and classmate went out too look over the smoking crashed site and as I looked over, people are falling down from the sky and then one woman fly over directly to us safely, she is from the plane and she told us that she fly with her friends just to buy something, we agreed to go to the crash site to look and see her friends.

The crashed site is full of smoke and flames, there are already a lot of people and doctors, some passengers are still seated on their seat belt, some suffer burns and crying. One woman had burn on her arm and was told it will take nine months before her burn will heal. It looks like there are a lot of survivors than casualties.

[Photo courtesy of Saiho/pixabay.com]

Then my dream hopped, I have seen myself and my eldest aunt looking towards the field. Water is flowing down to the field from the crashed site, we’ve been analyzing in which field it is flowing and we found out it is on the field my father is currently farming, my father went to the field and I followed. The water stopped and I found a lot of coins in the mud, in my dream they are Euros and I excitedly picked 5 and 10 euros, as I am going out of the mud I heard announcement from the crashed site and a foreign young kid run towards me from the bushes asking for help. I walked home with the young boy and while walking I asked him some question, I was told they’re going for a vacation with his brother, step-sister, mother and two fathers, I wasn’t able to asked if she has also two mothers because we already reached home. On my mind, I have the thought of surrendering the boy to the authorities but there is a thought that I want him to keep for the day. At home I found a cousin in our living room and my grandmother preparing the sleeping mat, the young boy went with me and when I saw my mother I told her I found a survivor, my mother is hesitant and a bit agitated seeing us because she said she already mopped the floor and my dream ended, I woke up feeling cold.

I don’t know what is my dream all about, and who is the English speaking boy, is it possibly Cody?

Not really feeling well since yesterday, wake up with a bad dream yesterday.  On my dream I am having a word fight with someone (an ajumma) which is in reality a woman neighbor I am good terms with since it was the mother of my friend in grade school, I was so angry in my dream so I think I gnashing my teeth while sleep that I woke with a swollen gums, it looks like my lower tooth cuts through it. Actually, I didn’t noticed that I have blister in my gums until inspected through it last night, my neck hurts too and it is hard to chew, my tonsil is inflamed from drinking icy pineapple juice in the cold weather. I was feeling dizzy so I drink glasses of pineapple juice, thinking the my blood pressure went up suddenly.

[Photo courtesy of werner22brigitte/pixabay.com]

My gums felt a little better after I gargled warm water with salt but the discomfort is still here and the cold weather doesn’t help to make me comfortable today especially with head hurting.

Anyway,  my dream yesterday was so bad that I felt so angry. I really don’t know how the fight started all I know I am already having a word fight with an ajumma, I went home and it was already a bit dark, found my mother and other people in a cottage in the middle of the field, then I saw the weird color big moon rise up in the sky, gray clouds was partly covering the moon then I don’t know how my dream hop in to another location, we are walking in the street and it suddenly rains and we hurriedly look for a shade under the cogon grass and then my dream went to another location, found myself inside a store/pharmacy buying something, my mother came wanting me to buy something but since I already paid in the counter, we decided to do it next time and my dream ended seeing us standing in the aisle near the door looking at the counters and then when I wake up my gums feel weird already.

I had the weirdest and scariest dream last night, I saw myself and family inside a plane and presumably J. What is weirdest and scariest was the plane is crashing, the plane is literally going down in full-speed. Everyone is panicking, people are standing and have so much fear, it looks like something is broken within the plane and there is nothing I could do but silently pray. I don’t know how my dream went on being landed safely in an unknown airport,  the plane was stalled directly in the airport door, I hurriedly called and grabbed my family down the plane, I was too scared to stay inside of it, I hurriedly took my passport so I could go to the immigration but there was a chaos, we are told we are not allowed to pass through. The immigration will not stamped our passport and we have to return to the plane so we could fly again, the stewardess was calling everyone to board the plane again, some people did but I didn’t  move, was too scared to be inside the plane again. I would rather suffer in the airport than fly again with the broken plane.

[Photo courtesy of Unsplash/pixabay.com]

When I woke up the dream seems real, I felt dizzy and can still feel the dazed. It feels like I rode a full speed roller coaster.

Every night I am dreaming, I used to journal my dreams but the procrastinated me is so lazy to do it and there are times I forgot what was my dream all about when I wake up or after hour passed. My dream last night was so vivid, saw myself talking to a young female ghost and asking her so many questions. Then a group of men wearing white took me and while walking away from the ghost I am talking with I saw a feet of a man wearing white trousers beside her, I am not able to see his face because I didn’t look up… along the way I saw many ghost, then I don’t know how my dream hop in to different place, the people who took me brought me in front of a house which looks more of a villa and then my dream went to different scenario.

What is weird, on my dream I am not scared seeing ghost around me while in real life I am scared of them. It reminds me what happened a few weeks ago. It was evening and as I went out the door of our old house to go to the store, in my peripheral vision I saw a person in my left side leaning towards our old house, I saw his eyes looking at me and since I am not expecting that there was a person in that dark corner I cried out in surprised and as I look back to say a word, nobody was there, I am all alone… there was no person in there, it was just a motor bike which is fully covered with coat.

My aunt who owns the store, heard me and asked me what had happened to me because she heard me scream in fear and shocked, so I told her what I saw.