It was one mid-afternoon at work when my mother told me that they were going to town, for a check-up.  My father woke up feeling unwell, and upon checking in our barangay health center, his blood pressure was higher than normal it spiked up to 220/100, which is already a hypertensive crisis, and immediate action was necessary so he was given a referral to the town center.

 As expected there was a long line of people, and after waiting for several minutes, he finally got to the receiving person where he was interviewed and asked when the personnel took his referral, I felt a bit worried because I could see distress in her face, she moves quickly and immediately checked my father’s blood pressure and then inform the public doctor about it. My father was given a small tablet to take, and while waiting I asked about my father’s situation, then I was given another tablet and instructed to give it to my father after a few minutes and to inform her when the time had passed, so she can check his blood pressure again.

[Photo courtesy of Thirdman/pexels.com]

People come and go, and yep we are still there, my father’s blood pressure was still a bit high. Anyway, my father was given a referral to undergo a laboratory test, and upon looking at the referral with many checks in it, my mind started to calculate how much are we going to spend to have it done.

It was a good thing the kind and jolly doctor was very friendly, and yes he was the doctor who I spoke with regarding my health issue. He asked my father if he had money, and I replied we are poor, haha. The doctor jokingly says, maybe my father is poor, but I am not which I laugh it out, and says I am poor too.

To make it short, the doctor instructed us what to do and where to go.  We went to the public hospital right after, to find out what we needed to avail the service, and since my father need’s to do fasting, we decided to have it done next week without knowing the laboratory and the office is opened during weekends.

There has just been so much stress for me these past few weeks, it was all maybe collected from different reasons, stress from work, at home from people, etc., It was tiring already dealing with immaturity from my other workmates who didn’t know how to stop throwing jokes, it was toxic and it made me sick. My body couldn’t handle the stress and anxiety, I remember experiencing the same thing a few years back when I quit my job.

When I went to the center for a check-up a few weeks ago, I was told to visit a specialist and have some tests. I didn’t follow the referral due to different factors and being afraid to do it, haha. It stopped, but when it became toxic again at work, I was not drinking enough water, I seldom used the toilet, been drinking colas, it all started again it felt like my body was deteriorating.

[Photo courtesy of Pedro Figueras/pexels.com]

I went to an herb doctor the other day after much deliberation on what to do, where I was told I got bewitched by an unseen being, was told it was a kind one, but I was asked to offer a white male chicken which is hard to find, no wonder I have been looking to my cousin’s white chicken (not pure) a few days ago before visiting a herb doctor, as if my instinct already know what do I need, lol.

At home, I decided to do herbal treatment, I looked for grass, boiled it, and made some tea out of it. I also bought vitamins to boost my immune system, slowly I am feeling better, but I was feeling weak and my emotions were low, wasn’t feeling happy anymore, and I was losing my vibe and myself. I am becoming aloof, distant, unobservant, and cold. The truth is, I decided to establish my boundaries and never care at all about what they said, I tried not to react as possible, I held my emotions and was just thankful to have a good support system, I have this one friend who understands my ordeal and who always advise me what to do.

Anyway, I don’t wanna dwell with me being sick, because I believe we have our own timeline, if we will die, we will die, no excuses.

There was influenza-like disease (cough, body pain, sore throat, and fever) hit the country, and we are not excused for it, it was the end of October when I felt sick and tired. It started with body pain, headache, and recurring fever in the afternoon, was feeling sick but I was still going to work because I needed to, we were beating a deadline, and we had to submit the list of drivers for the fuel subsidy from the national government.

[Photo courtesy of pixabay/pexels.com]

Prior to being sick and feverish, I was already feeling toxic at work for different reasons, and maybe it was one of the reasons why my immune system went down the drain, as I don’t normally have a fever.

Anyway, sometimes I have wondered what life would be like if I continued working at home, instead of working outside of my comfort zone. Nobody knows, but the introverted me loves staying at home rather than being outside and draining my energy. Then I realized, it is going to be more toxic at home looking after my niece and listening to my mother, haha.

Life became so busy these past few days that I almost forgot I have blogs to manage, I almost lost my hosting a month ago and dunno if I can hold on to it this month, life became not so well these past few months.

It was not my norm to ask for help,  that even my coworkers have to remind me at times that I am not alone at work, I always try to fix and do things alone, and so if I did ask for help it means I badly need one.

Anyway, I have been busy establishing my presence as digital creator on Facebook. but it was still a long way to go, because I need 60,000 minutes view to be accepted in stream ads, I have been creating reels and doing some live streaming to get it, but I am not yet halfway there. It was a good thing some friends and coworkers were helping me by sponsoring small prizes for games during live, they said they enjoyed listening to me, doing all the talking. LOL

Blogging dies when vlogging became a new trend so should I just move on and throw my years of writing away?

Well, as I have mentioned in my previous post, the Kanidugan Festival was moved to the 10th of April to give way or to respect the holy week. We are requested to join the town parade for a small compensation, the town parade started at eight o’clock in the morning it was epic actually because when we arrived the street was already closed, so we have no choice but to walk to the assembly area and it was just right on time that when I arrived at the elementary school, the parade was just about to start. I wasn’t able to find my coworkers, so I joined with the LGU family whom I am friends with, and when we went out, I found my co-workers standing in the corner so I  left the line, and joined them.

Anyway, the parade was spearheaded by the municipal officials, followed by the municipal employees, it was actually kind of boring to just walk, so I created my own world and my own dance steps, haha. I asked my workmates to dance with me, but they are kind of shy to do it, so I have to do it alone, until I went up front and met the employees from MS who were I think also bored walking and they are dancing in their own way while complaining that the drum beats were too sad to follow.

It was fun being included in the parade, but it was quite boring because you can’t see and enjoy the Kanidugan Festival, especially the street dancing. I decided to go on Facebook live, showing what is happening around me, and talking to my workmates and even to my viewers, and with that, I wasn’t able to take a lot of pictures.

The town parade took longer than expected, because of the street dancing, we have to stop many times to wait for them, When we are almost near the starting point, I walked back to find my batchmates, who are at the end of the parade, it was a bad decision because they are that quite far and it would be a better decision if I waited until we reached the endpoint.

Well, when I arrived at my batchmate’s location they were already planning to leave the parade because it is almost ten o’clock in the morning and our reunion program will soon start, so when we reach a certain point, we exited.

The town fiesta celebration or the Kanidugan Festival this year was moved on April 10, to make way of the holy week, but the celebration started already on April 1 through the opening of the Agri Trade Fair and Agency night in the evening, followed by the Barangay Night and the finals of Odiongan Got a Talent on April 2.

[Photo grabbed @ Odiongan Public Information Office]

On April 3, there was a Paraw Regatta and Asi Poem and Song Contest in the coast of Tabing-Dagat, but unfortunately I am not able to see it, because we have worked and we’ve been busy preparing the Odiongan Plaza for the Batch Night.  VM was the organizer, so the Legislative was in-charge for everything, it took us one whole day to prepare and arranged the tables and chairs, because of many changes.  It was almost six in the evening when I decided to go home and prepare for the evening, we were requested to attend and help and I was designated to be one of the usherette of the event.

I wasn’t able to eat dinner anymore, because when I went home I immediately did the household chores, feed my cats and took a bath. When, I checked my phone a co-worker is already looking for us, usherettes, because people are already arriving, so I immediately asked my sister to transport me to town.

[Photo grabbed @ Odiongan Public Information Office]

The event was jumped packed, it was full of people. It was actually tiring ushering people to their table and friends, especially some visitors doesn’t want to do the shortcut because they were shy to passed by other batch or tables, with this I have to walk longer distance so I could bring them to their table, and whenever I have a chance I visited the table of my own batchmates, sit there for few minutes, took pictures and move back to the gate to guide new people.

The main attraction of the event was  the performance of four different bands,  it was a night full of fun and laughter, seeing each other bring back old memories, and me feeling busy and happy seeing old classmates, I forgot to take pictures of the said event, haha.

Friendship is important because it helps us build connections with people who share our values or interests. I have this one friend (M) from high school, we are closed to the extent she took the same course with me at college. We both have the same scholarship, you can’t see us apart, we ate lunch together, we study together and  we took the same route home and sometimes when we are a little short with our allowance we walked home, even if we are both wearing heels.

She had already maybe my best friend, I can tell her my problems at home, my crushes back then and everything that is disturbing me. We are closed since we are together since high school, but not too close, because we do still have other friends in the group. We grow apart, right after college graduation, she got married and have one child, she withdraw herself in the society and so did I. We lost contact and don’t communicate often, there’s Facebook, but internet in the Philippines wasn’t that good that time. Maybe because we have both been busy with our own life that we forget our friendship existed.

For me, my friends are for lifetime, but I am kind of person that if you don’t initiate to contact or to talk with me, I will not either. Chatting was too burdensome for me, unless I enjoyed what we are talking or I like talking to you. Some of my friends can attest to that, because it comes to a point they have to tag me, so I will be notified and participate in the conversation.  A work friend actually complained once, that I respond so late, because she will chat in the morning, I replied at night time already, LOL.

Anyway, four months ago a high school classmate, messaged me about a letter circulating in their barangay, apparently a friend’s aunt is doing a fund raising for my friend (M), the content of the letter shocked me and I was in disbelief and I immediately messaged my friend M, if it is true.  She said yes, they were fundraising, but she didn’t elaborate the results and she even almost denied having a grave illness, she just told us, she is sick and in medication, she said she is doing better, the medicines she is taking is effective. As a friend, I shared her situation with some of my other friends and to our classmates, we helped her in our own little way and then life became so busy, four months had passed the biggest shocked of my life came, when her husband changed his profile picture and condolences and sympathy flooded in his wall. I panicked and was in disbelief, I immediately contacted her husband, what happened and how’s my friend doing, and the biggest heartbreak this year almost made me weak.

My friend (M) died, she succumbed to her illness. Apparently, she lied to everyone, she keeps her illness to herself, to her family. She hid it so well, that we know nothing. It was painful, guilt and regrets wrapped me up, I was like a robot, functioning but with no feelings, or I functioned but not so well, it was too heavy to carry, I would like to cry, but there are no tears running down from my eyes.  Light headed, I immediately told our friends and classmates in high school and college what happened to M, they were sad too and almost in disbelief, because they also thought she is doing well like she portrayed she was,  we raised funds and I actually asked those who message me personally to extend help if they can, because M’s family is financially exhausted, good thing the response was positive.

At work, I became so silent which is unusual to everyone, they tried to cheer me up and even some of my other friends tried to make me laugh, one of our bosses sent a stolen photo of someone in my inbox, for me to smile and be happy.  It was, actually, a friend and workmate’s birthday that day, it was a happy occasion, but it wasn’t for me. There was no way for me to celebrate when I am sad and in grief, later that afternoon she invited us to go out, as one of our bosses wanted to treat her somewhere nice, I went with them, because I would like to breath and to forget my grief. It helps, was able to feel a little bit better and was able to breath from my sadness.

Anyway, are you going to believe me if I say, I think I already felt something is wrong with my friend. I initially wanted to share our picture together taken in Baguio, but I didn’t because my immediate bosses were going to Baguio and I was thinking they might think I am trying to show off, that I have been there too.  For two nights before she died, I think she visited me too, and I never told this to anyone, because I don’t want to be judge and called weird, but the night before when lights were already off I saw a white silhouette of a woman in our room, just in the foot of my bed, her hair was a bit curl, she is healthy looking and her aura isn’t that scary, I look at her without even a thought who she was, it was only when my friend died that I realized, maybe it was her who visited me at home to say goodbye since we didn’t even see each other for a long time, we went to his father’s funeral last year, but she wasn’t around, or maybe she hid from us.

Good friends relieve stress, provide comfort and joy, and prevent loneliness, but I think I wasn’t a good friend at all. I wasn’t able to give those to her while she is sick and dying, wasn’t able to give her love, time and effort. She hid her illness very well, she was already given a few months to live, yet she didn’t tell us, she said she is ok and going stronger, she is already bedridden, but she said, she can already walk and do small things.

Some of our friends, told me to let go that maybe our friend (M), wanted it to be like that, she doesn’t want us to be sad and don’t want us to cry, they said I should be happy because our friend (M) was already free from her sickness, she was already happy in heaven. Shall I really do that?

Drinking is not bad if it is occasionally done, but if you are doing it every night, it isn’t healthy anymore. Some men transform when they are drunk, they hurt their wife and kids, they say hurtful things, which cannot be forgotten by a young mind. Please remember, drinking doesn’t only ruin your body, but it can also ruin your family.

[Photo courtesy of Terje Sollie/pexels.com]

Always put in mind that in the end, it is your family who will suffer. Do you think your drinking buddies will take care of you, if you get sick and hospitalized? Are they gonna help you feel the pain you are experiencing if you get terribly sick? The answer is NO. They might even laugh at you for being weak and vulnerable and worst maybe they can’t even visit you in the hospital eh.

So please, don’t drink if you don’t know how to control it. Love your life, love your family. Value your friends, but value your family more.

Growing your own food isn’t a rocket science, it is very simple when you have the desire and will to do it. As a kid, I grew up with my family doing backyard gardening, to sustain our daily needs at home.  We planted string beans, egg plants and ladies fingers, which became very helpful to us, because having a harvest means free meal or viand.

Today, my father still do backyard gardening and it was very beneficial to us in health and somehow in our food expenses, as it saves us from buying fruits and vegetables which are present in my father’s garden.  Growing vegetables at home does cost a bit on seeds and supplies, as we don’t have a large backyard, most often my parent’s plant vegetables on empty cans and bags.

The other day, my father came home  with ripe papayas after tending his garden, as we still have the pineapple he harvested the previous day, and the bananas he harvested a week ago, which was keep in our old fridge to ripe, we took photo of it, amaze what a simple gardening can do.

Since we can’t eat them all, my father brought some of the fruits to his employer’s house to share, which he always did.  They were very kind and helpful to us, and even treat my family just like no other. When my grandmother died, they’re the one who lend us a large sum of money without batting an eyelashes, so we could all go home for my grandmother’s funeral, they also give work to my father, even it wasn’t needed, so it is just right to share our blessings to good people, right?

A few months ago, I decided to quit my job, because I have enough. I felt unappreciated and it is already toxic at work, I am not feeling happy with what I am doing already. Those who know me, know what I mean.

Anyway, quitting made me my niece’s caregiver which isn’t a problem at all, but when I quit working, my father lost his carpentry job, and his employer went to Manila for personal matters. With this, my younger sister worked alone to support the family of five, it was not too burdensome at first, but as the day went by, our finances were going down the drain, and whatever small savings we had were slowly deteriorating. My mother started to show signs of stress, was short of patience, and was always nagging and angry at everything, maybe because of the problem of budgeting.

One of my immediate supervisors at work, encouraged me to return to the office by applying through the boss, with the problem arising at home, I did and to cut the story short I can work in the office with different responsibilities and a bit different environment.

Working was great, there were few overtimes, but it was good. Fast forward, the election came and a lot of changes happened, the office had a budget shortage for wages of job orders, don’t ask me the reason and how the budgeting is done because I don’t know either.

Being good at your job doesn’t matter, all job orders were lay-off and only a few or a handful were asked to return first, those who hold a special place at work. Right now, we are still waiting if we will be called/hired again and in the meantime I am jobless, I found a time to write again.