Older people often say, when someone is nearing to death, they can sense and feel it without knowing, maybe that is why sometimes there are people who is able to give their last words. Since my grandmother died, it has been frequently in my mind to choose the song I wanted the funeral car to play in my own burial, I am even thinking what would be my dress and coffin would be (but I have thought I can’t be choosy with it), I have already a few songs in my mind. I am telling myself to have them ready in my desktop, but I have been procrastinating and I have been bargaining again to Divine presence not right now, I am not ready yet, so no wonder I am not making a playlist for it. It reminds me the times when J and I were traveling, the thought of writing all my account passwords suddenly came to my mind every time we are on the plane thinking at least my family can access them when I am gone, I bargained as well that time to just let me create a document for it, well I have been writing them slowly today not because I am preparing but because I am being forgetful of my passwords (haha).

[Photo courtesy of Free-Photos/pixabay.com]

This morning, I woke up with a pain the in left side of my brain what I mean inside the head beyond my skull. What had happened? I was dreaming when suddenly I felt something crawl into my skin and it woke me up shocked and surprised that it runs in my head, maybe if I am older and have a high blood pressure problem I could end up getting a stroke. I don’t know if it is real or I was just dreaming too that something is crawling in my skin, anyway, it reminded me to pray.

Anyway, there is no class today because it is declared non-working holiday and it was a good thing because I am not feeling well.

One of the hardest things to do in life is to decide, as Libra I am indecisive by nature. I could choose something and then regret it afterwards, but usually when I made a wrong choice, I either look at the bright side or live with it in misery (lol).

Our lesson last night was about morality and values. We are given a scenario to choose what we value the most or what is our values towards a certain situation. The example given by our teacher was, in the same night you have a church commitment and there will be a championship battle of the band where you happened to be the most important member of the band, the vocalist. Where you will go, to the church or to the band competition?

Through the topic, I remember some situations in my life that I have to choose what to prioritize first. It happens, one Sunday when I was already inside the church, then I was called to go out and was told that a Christening will be held that day (in a different church/religion) and as one of the Godparent of the child I have to be there. So what I did? I have decided to return inside the church and finished the service, I am already attending the church before I was told of the Christening, I have seen the mother the day before and she didn’t inform me about it.

[Photo courtesy of yvettelamidey.com]

The second time, I have to make a decision was, when the church celebrated Thanksgiving Sunday , and it was voted by many to have a Sunday service in the resort hall and celebrated it over there than making it inside the church. I really don’t skip Sunday service, but I did that day, because I am not comfortable with their decision and it doesn’t agree with my moral values. What I did, I went alone in the church and pray while everyone is in the resort celebrating.

Another time, I have to make the decision was quite different from the first two decisions I made. The mountaineering group I am affiliated with has a scheduled climb and that is Sunday, contrary to my first two decisions I went hiking, Pastor E wasn’t around that Sunday and the service was left to young people who doesn’t really prepare sermons prior to this, they are more into singing and interpretative dancing. And since the founder of the mountaineering attending the church during Sabbath most of the scheduled climb were Sundays, and I climbed with them with another two Sundays, but recently they scheduled another Sunday climb and I decided to go to church instead of going with them.

A few more weeks before Christmas and the park in town was adorned with so many lights, the grand lighting happened last Sunday with a short opening program. We went to town to check it, but we are way too early so we decided to go home and planned to return, but it hasn’t materialized because we have thought we can’t really enjoy and have a solo picture because of many people wanting the same.

Last Tuesday after class, instead of just my father fetching me and my friend W, the other members of the family tagged along to see how Children Paradise looks like at night. W and I is earning educational units together and we are on the same block, her brother usually picked her up after class but not that night.

There were only few people in the park when we arrived, wandering and taking pictures with their friends and family. The park didn’t meet my expectation; however, it was good enough with the presence of the well lit Christmas tree, dented Christmas ball and the tunnel of lights in the side facades. The trees last year were lighted better than today, we only spend ten minutes and left because there was nothing else to see, there was no Christmas market yet in the vicinity.