Days seems goes by so quickly, it feels like it was only Sunday the other day and it is already Sunday today. Today is Pastor’s Sunday and unlike those previous Sundays I sit in the front today beside my grandmother so I could hear and understand the sermon. The preacher wasn’t our Pastor but one of the church well-known member (L), I think she was previously a church president.

The scriptural topic topic was “Courage to Continue” and it can be found in the book of Haggai 2:1-9,  our preacher for today started by giving definition of some words and  telling a story of a well-known writer for being fearful of his family’s future because he think he isn’t giving them the best things that others can provide.  I have learn from our Sunday’s preacher that Haggai is the portion of the Bible where the people became contented in their home and forget about the temple, they become busy living that they forgot God.

Why We are Discourage?

The preacher says the first reason why we are discourage because of insecurity, we compare ourselves to others and we always think that other people are better than we are, secondly we felt insignificant that we are not needed, we felt useless, thirdly we felt unaccepted like we do not belong, we are an outcast and nobody loves us and understood us.  It was indeed true because that’s what I felt, I felt all of them when I was dropped like a hot potato, I felt so discourage that I felt like I have no space in this world.

How to Find Encouragement

We can find encouragement through groups like friends, through getting achievements like masters degree, promotions and etc. and by boosting ourselves and raising our voices but all these encouragement mentioned above are leading to nothing but to camouflage our insecurities in life.

Read the rest of this entry »

We slept late last night but I have to wake up early so I can attend Christmas service because it was scheduled early. The church is full than normal, wasn’t able to understand the sermon because some people are too noisy, this is what I hate sitting at the back. My sister initially suggested we should seat in the front but I didn’t agree with it because I am wearing a dress for the first time in church and just a small mistake on my seating position, the universe will say hello.

The scriptural topic is about “Accepting Christ”, when the short service ended, candies and cash were given to small kids and then groceries to grandparents.

Some of the relatives who were not able to go in our house last night dropped by, there is still left over spaghetti and purple yum, my sister just reheat the sauce so it is warm. Gladly, I have a few small bills too because small kids came over to ask for Christmas gift, it was quite embarrassing if I am not able to hand any amount since they were with an adult. I wrapped notebook for a neighbour kid since she cried a lot last year and won’t accept cash when she saw the gifts under our Christmas tree intended for my Godchildren. Our relatives stay a bit longer after meal and we just have conversation about their babies because while they’re eating we look after them. My younger cousin’s youngest baby has an eye problem; he was diagnosed blind by a doctor when his eyes didn’t blink after lighting up a medical flashlight on them. When we first heard about it, we have asked if the light in their bedroom was very bright, and indeed it was so they started putting a bath towel in the mosquito net to block the light, the baby improves a bit since then, looking after the baby we noticed he can see a bit because his eyes follows us when we move, like when I seated behind his head he rolled his eyes up, and he smiled and cooed a lot when you talk with him too, my aunt informed us that her daughter doesn’t know how to talked with the baby, breastfeeding him is enough for the mother and while we are talking my older cousin G’s wife came over with her two kids and everyone had so much fun with lot of kids around but when our relatives left our house I felt empty and that’s where depression ate me, eating at the Christmas table feasting at the leftover food I can’t control myself and broke to tears, I have asked my mother what will happen to me now. Am I going to live like this until I grow old? Am I going to be forever alone? My sister blurted out that she’s around to look after me, then my mother told me that’s why I should not treat my sister badly if I don’t want to grow old alone because she will be the only person I can rely on when time comes…

Well, we’ve watched a Korean variety show “Running Man” which my sister downloaded online while resting but I fall asleep without my knowing after being exhausted with my feelings and when I wake up it is almost evening.

Christmas is a season of love, peace and giving. Initially I didn’t plan anything for Christmas but I have realized I am going to be selfish among the people around me, among my God children’s, it feels like I am going to rob their happiness without handling them presents on Christmas day so within last minute I wrapped small things for them and put them under a small tree that I bought in South Korea during Christmas time just to add Christmas feeling inside our apartment. We have no tree because I have told my family not to decorate a Christmas tree since I don’t feel like celebrating. You know why? I felt jinx because it was only last year that I have seen a real Christmas tree decoration in our home, growing up we just used fortune plant as Christmas tree, hanging those worn-out decors.

Cooking something for Christmas wasn’t really in my vocabulary too but my family cooked “pork stew”, they said at least we can all eat good viand on Christmas eve.  An older female cousin came to our home a few hours before Christmas eve saying they will dropped by in our home tonight, we told her we have nothing in our Christmas table then she suggested to have rice cakes and she can cook it if we provide the sticky rice, sugar and coconut. That’s where I felt obliged to shell out my $10 savings for spaghetti so we could offer other food than pork soup on Christmas eve.

Christmas is the season of giving and the season of peace, last night the church held a Christmas Cantata participated by the kids and young people members. They’ve sang a handful of songs, and the adult female church members also shared their talent through singing after the cantata was fellowship and games but since it is getting late the kids are already exhausted so they only lasts after two games, there’s also group games for the adult and then raffle draws. I have bought 4 tickets for the raffle draw, a classmate and friend told me who’s one of the facilitator of the event told me to buy more tickets which replied I am only poor being and I can’t afford to buy lots of tickets, it was unlike her she can afford it, she is the kids Santa Claus this Christmas because she handed a handful of gifts and toys among the kids to share her blessings after the cantata.

And when the fellowship ended, exchanged gift takes place it started from kids to youth and to adults. I have joined adult exchange gift since I can’t be considered as young people anymore. I have been wondering who got my name but it turns out it was my older cousin L, she have told me it took her long time to decide what things she should wrap since it seems I have complete stuff at home, well she ended up wrapping a food container and after the exchange gift is snack time, every zone members contributed for it.

The theme this Christmas is “There’s a miracle in Christmas” and what I need is truly a miracle. The Christmas celebration in the church last year wasn’t like this, they’ve only held singing competition and exchange gifts after the service. Although last year, I didn’t attend the service I have went inside the church for a few minutes, well it wasn’t really inside because I didn’t go far from the church door like I was ready to run any minute when caught loitering around, actually I felt so embarrassed during those time since I have never went inside the church since I came home.

Anyway, I have noticed inside the church that everyone is wearing bright colors clothes in red, green, yellow and blue, it  seems it was only me wearing a black clothes huh? 🙁

Christmas parties, reunions and family gatherings are everywhere this holiday season, today my mother and younger sister went to town to attend Christmas party of the Avon beauty center they are affiliated with. They initially invited me to go with them since it was also the first time they will attend a Christmas party hosted by this beauty center but I declined the invitation and stayed home alone. I prefer being alone than with the crowd I have never met, when they left I started cleaning around and took care of our pets, our dog needs special attention because she won’t eat without being spoon feed, so I have to powdered the dog food so she could chew it.

When my mother and sister went home early afternoon, they brought a piece of fried chicken, a small cup of dessert, and a few pieces of lumpia roll for me which I ate pair with the cold rice, they didn’t eat it so they could bring them home. They were also given small gifts as token for attending the Christmas party, my mother informed me that maybe when I went with them I will win a major prize since the number that should be mine won a microwave oven but I explained to her that even though I have attended the said event I could not win since the microwave oven isn’t for me, it was destined for someone else, I have never been lucky in life draws so I doubt I’ll win it.

Today, is the third Sunday of the month and the last Sunday before Christmas, before the service proper started there is a short meeting on what to do after the Christmas program on the 23rd.  It was decided to have an exchanged gift and to already draw the names so everyone could know the person they picked and everyone could buy the right gift.

The scriptural topic for today is the continuation of the topic on the first Sunday of the month which is Seeking Christ at Christmas our Pastor told us, he has to cut it in two parts because there is a church hopping to another town after the service that Sunday. He stated that life is easier today because there is a lot of transport but still people goes farther away from God, unlike those old times where there isn’t a lot of transport yet and people only uses lamp but people always found a way to go to church to attend prayer meeting or church service.  We are told that there are three types of people in the Bible who seek God, we are told not live like King Herod or the inn keeper, we should live like the shepherds and the wise men who seek for Jesus, the shepherds leave their flocks without thinking if the sheep’s will be eaten by wolves or their employer will fire them and while the wise men traveled far leaving their home and family just to see Jesus. At the end, our Pastor encouraged everyone to go to church every Sunday,  to stop the excuses of being busy at work or nobody will be left in the house, we must turn away our old self-centered life and seek God whole heartily and after the church service is the drawing of the names for the exchange gift.

Anyway, it was my grandfather and Cody’s death anniversary on the 19th, I recalled being in a dark room inside my grandparent’s house on Christmas and New Year’s eve while everyone is making noise outside, fireworks are flying in the sky, people are laughing but we are hiding in the dark and I remember being alone on Christmas a few years ago when J has to go home, crying while singing Christian songs, well this is two of my unforgettable memories of Christmas.

The town is a bit busy today a lot of people and vehicle in the street unlike the previous day it is almost like a ghost town, maybe because people were not able to go out in two days because of the strong wind brought by the typhoon. There is a long line in front of the ATM in town, there is only one bank with working ATM today because the other machines  in two other banks are offline.

[Image source: Romblon News Network]

Anyway by watching television news tonight I have found out that the typhoon which made the fourth landfall in Romblon severely affected other municipalities in our province, some houses were left without roofs while the other houses are totally wrecked especially those houses near the shore, a ferry went ashore as well. There still no network signal or power supply in other municipalities, there is also casualties in our province because of the typhoon, our town is a bit lucky for not able to experience the wrath of typhoon Nona because as what I have heard a state of calamity was declare in one municipality.

Typhoon is normal occurrence in the Philippines so a new typhoon came over to visit last night and leave some damage to other provinces after a storm surge take place. Anyway, our province was on signal number 3 but gladly the storm didn’t make a havoc, it only passed by with strong wind and rain, resulting to blackout.

When we wake up, it was flooding outside since the irrigation overflow but the water subsided over time. When the rain stops for a bit I went with my younger sister to deliver something, I initially don’t want to go since I just sat in front of my laptop since the electricity just returned but thinking that the river is overflowing and my sister might drowned I stopped my task and went with her.

The river which is initially dried up is overflowing with water and since the current is very strong at the other end of the river we are not able to cross to the other side. We are on signal number 2 tonight, hopefully no more strong winds.

[ Tagged In ] River, Typhoon Nona, Typhoon Philippines, Typhoon Philippines 2015

Christmas is different this year; I have blogged last year that Christmas isn’t so merry and I think it is even worst this year. If I only knew that last year is a way better than today, I wouldn’t complained at all.

Well, since October, there’s already few carolers came to our house singing Christmas songs, found a few in the streets as well unlike last year there’s only one  who got lost in front of our house and it is almost Christmas time when it happened. Today, the town is well adorned with Christmas lanterns and lights and there is a Christmas Bazaar in town too this year compare to last year with no decoration at all, so how on earth I say Christmas is even worst this year when some of the things missing last year were here today? Well, Santa knows it all…

We don’t have Christmas tree this year; it is quite obnoxious to have one. Anyway, last night when I am alone at home since my family is in town, carolers came by and without money to hand over to them I took the only money in my wine bank, yes it is empty now, and then I also gave the sole income from the ice packs, gladly someone bought 3 ice packs before they came or else I will just remain silent inside our house, when they left I have heard the kid with them asked the person who received the money on how much did I gave to them. LOL