Today seems just like a normal day, making myself busy in front of my laptop updating my remaining blogs when a phone ring in the room, I took it and just look at the number flashing in the screen, behind me is my mother who also run to see who’s calling, she grabbed the phone in my hands when I am not answering it. All I have heard a young lady is looking for me and then the call ended, the phone has a low battery.  My mother immediately plugged it and gave the phone to me when it rings again but since I don’t know what to do she received the call and give it back to me but the call ended again, there is no signal.

My mother and sister scolded me for acting weird and not answering the phone call right away, I told them I don’t know how the phone works, I don’t know how to unlock it which they didn’t believed because I am able to open it when it receives text notification from the shopping portal when I bought my tablet.  Well, I did unlock the phone that time after many tries and it took me long time to do it.

Honestly, when I heard the phone rang I felt nervous and disturb, my body felt numb and I felt so anxious and I have thought many things why someone is looking for me, does something happened?  Yes, this is what I feel every time I heard a phone rang or my phone rang and I don’t know who’s on the other line.  I believed I have a phobia receiving calls from unknown callers, it all started when I am still working in a business establishment and I received a lot of phone calls from angry customers asking why there is no internet connection and looking for the technicians. It wasn’t a nice experience because the phone didn’t stop on ringing for I guess week, it is a call after another. It came to a point where I don’t like hearing the phone rang at work nor answering it. It’s been a long year but I still felt anxious when I heard a phone ringing.

Aside from calls some customers were really rude that time when they pay a visit, when it wasn’t my job facing them or give in to their request.  Now, I’ve realized how I have fear of interacting with people and I don’t like speaking to one, I would rather buy a new item than return something I bought wrong. I was so scared to be rejected and be treated unfairly because all my life I have been treated unfairly I guess I have a social phobia.

The caller called again many times because of the static connection and as what I have heard, she can’t hear me on the other line too.  My sister told me many times to speak loudly but I said I am speaking loudly, she said I am not it sounds like I am speaking to myself. Maybe because I still felt so anxious and my nerves are still panicking because of the phone call.

Anyway, it was verification from a shopping portal.  The shopping portal send a code for my birthday they said so I can treat myself to something pretty and I have used it so they called for verification for the payment method I used.

My nerves didn’t calm right away, I was so disturb and felt so intense.  Looking online I have realized I was really scarred individual, I have a lot of wounds and fear.  It seems I really develop a phobia in phone calls and people because according to a website a phobia is an overwhelming and unreasonable fear of an object or situation that poses little real danger but provokes anxiety and avoidance. Unlike the brief anxiety most people feel when they give a speech or take a test, a phobia is long lasting, causes intense physical and psychological reactions, and can affect your ability to function normally at work or in social settings.

Overcoming this fear will require a lot of effort on my side; I am so down and in the lowest feeling of my life. I hit the rock bottom recently and I am not yet recovering, but nobody will help me to overcome this but myself.  The first step to overcome my fear and anxiety is to understand it, and not to be scared when it occurs.

It is second Sunday of October, it was the second day I went to church to attend a service. The service didn’t start early today, I went to the store to buy some bubble gum when a cousin passing by saw me and invited me to go church with her, I was hesitated at first because it still early and the service proper is not starting yet but then I thought walking with her inside won’t not feel awkward than walking alone.

Anyway before the service proper there is announcement of church concerns, greetings to birthday celebrants that will celebrate their birthdays within a week and married couples that will be celebrating their anniversaries. When our Pastor asked if there is still someone who is celebrating  a birthday that he forgot to mention, my cousin pointed me and so I was greeted and our Pastor jokingly informed the congregation that I am mastering in veterinary majoring in cats hence my new family name is Catwill. The joke started when we arrived in town and our pastor was around and he saw me bringing a new kitten I picked from the street, I have been adopting abandon kittens for almost a year already.

The topic for this Sunday is about commitment to go, to give and pray.  Are we committed to go to church? Our Pastor set an example on how one person wanted to be visited at home and be invited before he can go to church. He said that we should’t not wait for us to be invited, we should go to church on our own because we are committed to go.  We are also should  be committed to return the blessings we received everyday so we are going to be bless even more, and be committed to pray because as God says “ask and it will be given to you”, “seek and you will find” and “knock and the door will be opened to you”. I felt blessed hearing those words from God and it add more hopes to my hopeless heart it feels like God is pushing me to keep going, I should continue asking and seeking Him because it will be given to me.

Commitment is a very strong word, being committed is being dedicated and loyal. If we are committed to someone we love we shouldn’t get tired and should not give up because that’s how commitment and love is.  We must have dedication, devotion, loyalty and faithfulness, we should be strong to overcome all the trials that comes along the way and just don’t give up easily, just how we are committed to love and serve the Lord.