It’s the last Sunday of the month and Pastor E’s topic on his preaching today was from the book of Luke 14: 25-33 with a a topic of “The Cost of Discipleship”. Blessings are free and costly and there is very little blessings require in serving the Lord conveniently, Pastor E asked the congregation that considering God’s investment in us, what God have received from us?

Pastor E also gave some points on the cost of discipleship like the criteria, God says on verse 26 to love Him more than we love our parents, brother and sisters and whoever do not so cannot be his disciple then on verse 27  it was said that in following Jesus there will be a cross to carry, it means responsibility and on verse 28 we have to sit down and think if we can continue serving God given the responsibilities and cost.

Today, my sister accompanied our father to the hospital where my mother has been confined so he could have a check-up I can’t because I have to look after our mother at home, his been complaining about his ears for almost a month already. The hospital has a specialized ENT doctor and the doctor’s finding – my father’s ears were too dry, maybe because he overdo the cleaning. He clean his ears every day and every time it itches, I have decided to have my father’s check up since he I have heard him a few weeks ago complaining that there is something ringing in his ears and then these past few days he can’t hear well that I have to repeat anything so we could understand each other.

[Photo courtesy of earnoseandthroat.wordpress.com]

My father doesn’t want to go to the hospital because he is thinking about the doctor’s fee since we are financially down at this moment but I have told him he should go right now while it isn’t so serious yet and asked him that when is he going when he is totally deaf already or in need of operation. I also reasoned out that we are going to save more if he went immediately than later, I handed extra money to my sister so he could also bring my father to an optometrist since he is almost blind without the $1 reading glass from the street but when they went home they were not able to get a pair of glasses for him.

My sister had told me that after doctor’s fee our father has almost a thousand of pesos medicine prescription for a week for his ears and a follow-up check-up after a week so the ENT doctor could see if something improved on his ears after the medication. They didn’t buy the prescription yet, they went to the optometrist  and they found that it cost a thousand of pesos too. My sister went home to ask if what to do so I have told her to buy the prescription first and we will just get pair of glasses for our father when we already have funds for it. It was the right decision isn’t it?

Today, is Father’s Day Sunday. Instead of Pastor E preaching it was his wife who delivered God’s message, the scripture reading was from the book of 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12 with a topic “A Portrait of Fatherhood.

[Photo courtesy of fathers-days.net]

Pastor E’s wife shared the traits of a father, according to her a father is able to express genuine love, he has transparent life where he isn’t ashamed to cry in front of others, he has unselfish diligence, genuine spirituality and positive influence in his child’s life.

There was some testimony from other members for their father, they were called to share something in front of the congregation.

My mother was released from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon, I was at home preparing to return in the hospital in the morning when I received a text message from my sister that my mother was already given a permission that she can go home already, so I have to prepare money so they could checked-out. My father fetched me at home, he went back ahead of me in the hospital because my mother has to pee and she need to be assisted to the public toilet, my sister can’t carry my mother alone that’s why it needs two people to bring her out. It was been our routine for over a week already when we are at home and my mother’s need a toilet break my father has to return to the hospital.

We have no health insurance, we are not given free health insurance from our barangay because I guess they thought we are rich. For over a week my mother being confined in the hospital she is stressing herself with the hospital bills and our due dates in direct selling group in town, we have told her that it won’t help her thinking too much all she has to do is to get well so the hospital bill will not soared too high, our relatives were being problematic too that we are staying longer in the hospital, I think they pity us, they’re thinking of our hospital bills because they believed every time the nurse were called or went to the patient room there will be payment, my father became distressed because I guess he doesn’t know in who’s hands he’ll get the money for my mother’s hospital bill, my parents has no savings since my father’s wages is just enough for our daily living.

[Photo courtesy of Pixabay/pexels.com]

The good thing I have money, which is supposed to be our tuition fee (my sister and I are planning to take up education unit this school year but I guess it wasn’t for us) and then I received some payments from people who has due dates from the things they loaned from direct selling so your guess is right as mine I didn’t pay in the direct selling group in town right away since my mother’s medicine comes first but of course I have informed them what we are going through and why we are going to be late in paying, we are willing to pay penalties anyway.  The church and other relatives extended financial help, my grandmother and older aunt also handed us some rice grains, I may say it was an unexpected blessings that we are thankful, honestly I have already thought setting up a fundraising profile online if my mother stays in the hospital longer and our hospital bill soared very high.

It was true that you will only knew your real friends in times like this and I may say I have a lot of superficial friends, I guess they were scared that I’ll borrow money from them or asked some help.  I knew the fact that most of them were talking behind my back, asking what had happened on me and in my personal life.

God is gracious, He prepared and supported us financially because I also received several tasks on my few blogs before and after my mother was hospitalized that help us a lot so we are able to pay our hospital dues and take my mother home, the doctor prescribed sets of medicines and required a follow check-up in two weeks.

A new doctor check-up on my mother since today, her second doctor was in Manila and I guess the first one wasn’t around or been busy with other patients. According to the new doctor my mother’s sugar level and uric acid wasn’t too high, his finding my mother maybe had a stroke because of cholesterol, he said that even a person has a lower cholesterol level it can cause a stroke. Her medicine were changed  to tablets already unlike before they were thru IV,  one of her medicine were lowered on dosage.

[Photo courtesy of Pixabay/pexels.com]

We are told that my mother might be discharged tomorrow, my mother requested the sales clerk in the hospital pharmacy to have a partial account of our hospital bill, she was from our barangay so we knew her. The partial amount was quite high, it was almost three months of my father’s monthly wages as a carpenter (his rate is ₱2,100 per week) and we have already spend almost two months of my father’s wages in medicines and other expenses so the bill was like a fortune for us, quite sad too we have no health insurance.

My mother can now sit without being felt dizzy unlike the last few days that she can’t even raise her head although her affected body has still no sensation but she can move her hands and feet already.  She’s recovering quickly isn’t it?

My head is spinning, maybe because lack of sleep, fatigue and not eating on time.  Everyday the doctor handed a new prescription and everyday the prescription bill cost more than a thousand of pesos, my mother’s first laboratory test cost a lot as well and then there are other succeeding test that isn’t free at all. My mother was recovering, she is doing better than her first two days in the hospital that she looks like in a vegetative state. Every day something is improving, she’s able to move her paralyzed body but there isn’t a sensation yet. At first I have thought there was but I guess my mother is confused and high with different medicines injected to her, she became short tempered, emotionally down and stressed with anything, the house, the hospital bills and money no matter how we told her to relax.

On the first few days my mother doesn’t eat anything nor drink, the doctor says it was fine since there is nutrients coming from the drip in her hand. The laboratory tests shows she has high level of sugar, high uric acid and UTI problem that resulted her stroke attack and with this a lot of food was prohibited for her to eat, mainly the food she enjoy so much.

It was hard for us to see her in bed lying and can’t do anything that even a little move required an assistance, my mother was put in a cathether when she can’t pee in the adult diaper, she can pee in the toilet but the problem the public toilet is a little bit far from the room since the room we rented has no private toilet room. The doctor ordered that my mother needs a complete bed rest since when she insisted to go the public toilet of the hospital in a wheelchair she went very tired and exhausted. The doctor says going to the toilet won’t help her recover faster since it is draining her energy.

As day goes by, she is able to drink a little as 20 ml of water.  It was hard at first because she can’t drink or swallow well, we massage her paralyzed body the best we can. She complaint of pain which she can’t point where, it was also difficult for her to sleep especially the first day where she doesn’t want to sleep scared of not waking up anymore.

Medicines are expensive the good thing a few relatives and the church extended financial help to us, we are not expecting it but we are thankful because it helps a lot to us, my father wasn’t able to work and my sister too while my mother is confined in the hospital.

Hospital was our second home for a few days already, my father and I go home in the morning to collect water, do the laundry, cooked food and do other household chores and then we returned during lunch and went home again in the afternoon and went back to the hospital at late afternoon. It was been our routine for several days, it was hard to sleep during the night because we have to monitor my mother’s urine every hour, by draining her catheter and measuring it. I sleep a bit at night and do the task during early morning but I can’t sleep well at all because I was worrying with my mother’s condition.

Anyway, I am not planning to attend church service today but my sister texted that if I want to go to church I just have to make sure that everything is right at home, so I immediately searched for my jeans and went to church with a cloudy mind, lack of sleep and non-stop worrying.

[Image source: mbchiawassee.org]

This Sunday is my father’s birthday and it was exchanged pulpit Sunday which mean different Pastor will do the preaching, the preacher was a woman pastor (Pastor E.F) from sister church, her topic for the day was about “Service That Pleasing the Lord” based on scripture reading Matthew 25: 14-31.

What kind of service pleasing the Lord? According to Pastor E.F, productive service pleases the Lord, a service that is effective and fruitful, God gave us talents and ability for us  to flourish, He expected us to level up. Secondly, passionate service pleases the Lord, it is a service that is burning, committed, eager, excited, enthusiastic, hot and emotional in short it is a service that is from the heart. We should work with love to the Lord, our motivation should be love to glorify God. Thirdly, a faithful service pleases the Lord, it should be close, consistent, devoted, loyal and trustworthy. A faithful servant never retired, he served faithfully as long as he is alive. According to Pastor E.F a good servant acknowledge God as the owner and him as a steward and faithfulness is keeping promises.

It was normal Tuesday morning, I was starting my day surfing the internet looking for some opportunity to earn online when suddenly I head a loud bang in our bathroom, I already knew what happened so I stand immediately before I can hear my mother calling out my name. As expected I found her in the bathroom floor, I immediately took some ice pack to mend her head that was hurt since I was told she hit the wall and then the rest was quick like a lightning bolt after I asked someone who’s buying ice pack to call for help, people came in panic and carry my mother who is already tongue twisted. I don’t know if I should go with them in the hospital or just stay home, I consciously handed the motorcycle key to Pastor E and asked him to let my sister knew what happened to our mother but he waited for me while I am collecting things to bring in the hospital like blankets since pillows were already taken by my older cousin.

I’ve found my mother in an emergency room of a private hospital, she was rushed over there since it was the nearest hospital from our barangay, she is lying in the stretcher being check-up by nurses and a doctor. I was asked several questions like her medical history and etc., It was the first time my mother was brought in the hospital, she was never confined for any reason and never had health tests.  I was asked to sign a paper for admission after the nurses asked my age. I would like to wait for my father but I was told it was needed to be sign right away so my mother will be admitted in the hospital and will be given care.

My sister was already in the hospital since the water station where she is working was just nearby after a cousin in-law notify her, Pastor E and my sister went to my father’s workplace after calling his contractor where he is working that day. My father didn’t immediately went to the hospital I don’t know if it is because of shock because when he left the house my mother’s still doing fine.

My aunt’s and a cousin was in the hospital with us, the hospital asked what room we want to rent, I was given a choice an air conditioner room or a room with just a fan with other patients, I choose the latter since we can’t afford the higher room, well even their cheapest room cost a lot as well, I have heard later that there are also suite room upstairs. My mother was brought in the room, it was hot, no toilet room and very simple then I was given a prescription and the price is shocking for a penniless like me and then I was asked to buy adult diapers since my mother was like in a vegetative state and then another shocking prescription to buy at another pharmacy, good thing Pastor E drove me around.

Then the next day, we are asked if we want the hospital to refer an internal doctor. I have asked first how much does it cost , if it cost a lot we can’t afford it since we have no land to sell anymore and we have no health insurance. I didn’t get a direct reply but I have agreed for the referral since my mother’s health comes first.

Sleep paralysis visited me last night, it feels like I was awake but I am not and as expected I have struggled many times to wake up. It feels like I woke up and then I was back again into sleep state and will struggle again to open my eyes. I felt so ice cold that I am trying to turn off the electric fan and I am trying to reach it out so I could wake up, and when I finally wake up, I was startled why I felt icy cold when it is very warm and hot. Does it mean, my body is already losing its warm and I am already leaving it? Anyway, with the little strength I have I forced myself to wake up and get off the bed, went to the bathroom and wash my face and tried not to sleep again because I don’t know if I could wake up myself again.

[Photo courtesy of Larisa-K/pixabay.com]

Yes, I was so scared to sleep again that I don’t want to close my eyes but due to tiredness I fell asleep and dream. I have seen myself with classmates somewhere, we are holding an umbrella and it wasn’t clear to me if everyone is wearing black. In our back there is a small tiny shack at the foot of the hill, there’s water running, making the ground wet and then my dream hop seeing myself and classmates getting inside our grade 3 classroom but the teacher was different it wasn’t our adviser but another teacher in the same grade. She was very happy and teary eye for us visiting and remembering, she was also thankful to our class president and when I went near our teacher she hardly remember who am I and my dream ended.

In the blink of an eye everything can change. So forgive often and love with all of your heart. You never know when you may  not have that chance again.

When I wake up in the morning I have asked my mother if I am trying to turn off the electric fan because I would like to know if it was a dream or I was really trying to do it. She said yes but I wasn’t satisfied with her answer because I would like to know more of what I did in my sleep state, but as expected they didn’t understand what I had gone through and even gets angry for asking too much details. Nobody is willing to listen, they care less about my story so I told them someone is already dying beside you but they don’t even know and they couldn’t even care.

Oh, should I also mention that the previous night my mother dreamed that I die, someone told her in her dream that I am already dead.

This wasn’t the first time I had sleep paralysis, back in Korea in our old apartment every night or any time I slept in the day I have nightmares and sleep paralysis, I had a sleep deprivation that time because I was too scared to sleep.

Today, is the first Sunday of the month so the service started 7 o’clock in the morning. Pastor E topics is about the “The Call to Discipleship” based on Matthew 4:19 when Jesus invited Peter and Andrew to follow him to be fisher’s of men.

[Photo courtesy of relationaldiscipleship.wordpress.com]

Pastor E encourages the congregation to strengthen their faith and live like Jesus wanted His children to be, to follow Him and live on His words. He also discuss about Jesus invitation to Peter and Andrew,  he said it was not only for them but for everyone. Peter and Andrew followed Jesus without hesitation, they trust and became obedient.

[ Tagged In ] A Blessed Sunday, Church, Church Service, Sunday Service