Christmas is a time of celebration, the time where people should be merry and happy.  On the 24th it was my late grandma’s birthday so I lit a candle for her while everyone is busy cooking for the Christmas food, I thought everything is going to be well, not until something happened. It was shocking, I don’t know if I should feel nervous first or should I cry first. It feels so bad that I want to escape the moment, I want to run and never come back. I am tired, I wanted rest.

We decided to sleep early and didn’t wait for 12 AM anymore, when I wake up it is already morning and the fear, the sadness is still there lingering. I hate drama, all I wanted is peaceful living that is why when something happened between my sis bf and other relatives, I decided to withdraw from their drama and be at peace.

Well, it is Christmas day today and it feels empty, I went to church in the early morning and the basis of the sermon was from Luke 2: 1-7, with the theme Jesus – The Reason for the Season, where Pastor E talks about the birth of Jesus Christ and what is Christmas all about, he said that Christmas is a time of Celebration, Proclamation and Demonstration. He also said, we cannot celebrate Christmas if there is no joy in our hearts, so I guess there isn’t joy in mine.

Pastor E then shared a short story and afterwards asked if how is our heart doing, if is there is also something hard in our heart that we cannot forgive, open our hearts and be good with our brothers and sisters.

Anyway, after church most of our relatives went to our house for Christmas food. As expected, it was a bit of chaos with little children playing around and adults talking to each other, and it was decided that the clan will have the annual New Year’s party.

Christmas Day is not red or green, it is blue. #ChristmasBlues

The celebration of Christmas fellowship in church was quite different from the previous years,  it wasn’t held in the evening of 23rd anymore nor the 24th.  It was held after Sunday service since 23rd day of December fell on Sunday, there was a fellowship lunch but I decided to went home and eat and returned when the Christmas program was about to start.

The Christmas program isn’t meticulous like the previous years where there was Christmas Cantata and presentations, the fellowship today was just simply made of few presentation  from auxiliary organizations (youth and women), games, exchange gifts and raffles and a simple snacks there after.

Honestly, I don’t know what is happening but it seems the old Christmas tradition in the church is slowly fading and changing.  When I am still a kid, I remember there was role playing in church and I have even joined a Christmas concert back then when I really don’t know how to sing, and it was the last time I have joined group singing because when I went to back into my chair feeling happy after performing with the other kids, an aunt blurted out that I sing too loud when I am out of tune (lol).

Christmas is the season of giving, the season  of sharing and love.  A few more days before Christmas and I finally decided to put up our Christmas tree, my mother has been bugging me to do it a few months ago, but I am just too lazy to do it because I have no gifts to put under the tree and I don’t feel like celebrating, but since my sister and I wrapped some gifts for our Godchildren, I have decided to take out the tree yesterday, my sister has more gifts in the tree than mine, because her Godchildren keeps on adding since she started working (lol).

Christmas Tree 2018

A few days ago, a very distant cousin took me as a Godmother for his child, it has been said it is unlucky to say no to this type of invitation so another child was added to the list of my Godchildren.  Another child, will search for me on Christmas day (haha).

“2018 will soon bid us goodbye. Not all our friends, relatives and family made it this year. Never take for granted the people you love. Be thankful for today, because in one moment our entire life could change.”

Honestly, I have come to realized that the month of December last year was so memorable and happier than this year, did some hiking, been to two weddings of my high school classmates, attended a Christening as Godparent, and the Christmas party at church is worth remembering because there was a good preparation unlike this year it is a bit blunt and dull because there will be no Christmas service at night, the church Christmas party will be celebrated on Sunday after the service, it will be a whole day activity, games and then exchange gift  which is not well planned, no Christmas decor at church as well.

Christmas Tree 2017

What I am loathing, last Christmas I have been able to make the kids at church happy and even the kids coming to our home by giving them toys, school supplies and candies. I also able to give gifts to my family, relatives, friends and frequent store customers, but when my business went down the spiral after trusting people that cannot be trusted when it comes to dealing, everything went to the drain included my plans to give gifts to children every Christmas as a mission, life didn’t allow me to do it this year, maybe I shall find sponsors for next year (lol).

There will be a get together this month for my high school and college alumni, but the thing is I am not attending. Yep, I know it will be my chance to see my fellow schoolmates and classmates again, one of them just came home from the US, but I just don’t feel like going and mingling. At the end of the month will be my older aunt and her husband’s  50th wedding anniversary, her kids planned a party for them so I guess December 2018 isn’t too dull when it comes to happenings and events.

On celebrating of Christmas, gifts, food and money matters isn’t too important as long as you are celebrating it with your family and love ones.