It was almost twelve years ago when I last set foot in the university after I earned my Bachelor’s degree. When my world turn upside down, my parents push me return to the university to earn educational units, so I can teach if ever I passed the teacher’s board examination, but I keep on declining. I wasn’t too outgoing then and I am a little anxious to see new people and meet my college instructors again.

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The decision of not following my parents and being irritated to my father every time he told me to go back to school, made me regret it. What could have been if go back to school three years ago? I wasted three years of my life, being comfortable inside the four walls of our home and hiding from the world. Well, after almost three years, I am back to the university which almost didn’t materialize because I have to go home to Tarlac City, to look after my sick grandma, but as lucky as I was, we arrived back home just right for the last week of enrollment.

Anyway, to cut the story short, I am now back at the university earning educational units. The classes started last week, but it was cut short because of the Provincial Meet because the rooms will be used by the provincial athletes. We have two days and a week off, today I should be studying and reviewing after receiving the online details of the review materials, but I am dilly dallying, I can’t just focus on the lessons and a friend came to copy Korean drama series today, my mother and sis had a collection of them.

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During our first day of class as unit earner, we usually introduce ourselves to each other and what made us to earn an educational unit, like what I have said in class there are a lot of factors that pushes me and made me decide to attend school again, just a few of them, it was around July last year when I attended a training for Tourist Promotion Services and most of my classmates were education graduates who told me I can be a good teacher, well what did I do? Aside from being the group’s main reporter, I just stole our trainer’s teaching time by teaching my classmates how to earn from blogging (lmao). Well, he allowed me and he is even amused of me teaching (I think, hahaha). And then I have to teach for the first time for Operation Christmas Child as a volunteer teacher, we have the training early of 2018, after a few months the boxes arrived so teaching/sharing the Gospel started afterwards. That is when, I have realized, I have the passion to teach contrary to what I have said to my father that I don’t have a  talent in teaching. If I remember too, I once played a role as a teacher to my younger sis and distant cousins when we are kids.

Honestly, you know what, it was a good thing that one of my instructors in college wasn’t around the university anymore, because I have told him before I will not teach, after he told me to wait until I become a teacher after correcting or telling him what to do while he is giving us a lesson (ok I am so bad), because if he is still around teaching and he remember what I have told him, I will be really embarrassed.

Anyway, earning educational unit will not make me a teacher right away. I have to pass the Teacher’s Licensure Exam which I am too anxious of doing. Good luck to me, to us!

These past few days, I spend most of my time reading true ghost stories and sleeping, yep, I am back to my old habit of reading supernatural stories and reading my day to day horoscope. I have been away for a few months, so I was overwhelmed of many stories to read online. To those who don’t know me yet, my likes are contradicting to each other. I believe in compassion and caring with other people, but I love mystery thriller/suspense and dark themes in movies/books. I have a different mindset and I have sensitivity in me, I can feel other people’s emotions and it is killing me because it seems I can read a bit what is on their mind or feel their emotions at that moment, I think it was one of the reasons why I have social anxiety.

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Hence, I already knew what other people’s feeling before they can even speak and to those who know me well, they knew that I seldom stay still, be serious and looked into people faces when conversing because I knew when they are impress or not despite their smiling faces, which actually most of the time irritates my family, they asked me to stop  doing it, which is I am trying to do recently, part of it I think is being shy and not being confident.

Honestly, there are times I can foresee things without knowing it, before J and I parted ways. I have already feel what would happen and what is the six months of travel all about, he actually got pissed off of me taking a lot of photos a few hours before our departing flight, even saying, I act weird that as if we are not going to see each other anymore, and yep we didn’t anymore.

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Just like what happened a few days ago, I have already felt it (me being restless) and I already expected what will happen, but I resisted and waited for a friend to speak up. Anyway, I woke up in a wrong side of bed today where the black hole is eating me up again. It was like I went back to my old self feeling blue, but when I accidentally got a long cut in my upper arm early in the morning from a protruding wire, I have returned into my senses that I am still alive and my cut is painful. 

Today, I am trying to do some focus and do some blogging chores I have not been doing since I live in my made-up world.  You know what, I wished, I can tell everyone that there are just times I don’t feel like talking or responding to messages, which is rude to other people, but this is me finding solitude and peace within myself (re: my unread and not responded messages/comments from friends and tourism classmates).

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Well, RBM will do some falls hunting out of town on Sunday, but unfortunately I can’t go with them because it is Thanksgiving Sunday on November 25th, priorities matters and don’t know if I can do some hiking again when I have class schedule on weekends too.

My mother woke me up at the middle of the night because she said she can’t sleep (too much sugar again before bed time), so am I too. I have a dream last night, I remember it after waking up, but as much as I want to remember it right now, I can’t.  All I remember, I am crying that when I woke up my eyes has tears on them. :/

Well, It is still a few months before Valentine’s Day and here I am writing about love and relationships under the series of The Story of Us. It was my dream to be a pocketbook writer growing up, and being in school again my creative mind became restless. I am recently writing a sad short love story about an ill-fated couple who fell in love in a wrong time and in a complicated situation, inspired through someone’s life and the first story under this series.  It was such a pity and disheartening that my emotions can relate, I initially titled the story as “Borrowed Love, Borrowed Time” yesterday but eventually I wasn’t able to finish writing it because my mind is so weary, that I just created a plot.

The woman in the story decided to let go, and do the right thing. It was a saddening decision she made, but it was the bravest decision she ever made and later on the story her indecisiveness takes place, asking herself if she really did the right thing.

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Many women, deals with anxiety everyday.  It was said that women with OCD report that their obsessions more often center around cleaning, I have been there or still currently there and as much as I want, I don’t want to experience it big time again and to someone to experience it as well, and to include it in the story I am writing it is mind boggling eh.

Anyway, on the later part of the story the woman questioned everything.  Should she really feel sad about it, should she really grieved? What if the guy in the story was just just playing around, what if it is all a game that she unknowingly become a victim? It wasn’t the first time the guy uses the same excuse, should she really fall for it?

Well, that was just a glimpse of the story I am writing and I am really not sure if I am able to finish it. I have found this video online and I find it suitable as the background of the story (lol). Anyway, I have so many stories way back decades ago that remained unfinished until now, procrastination and writers blocked always took place. Wish me luck to be able to write again and finish this story, but it bothers me if I should I write a good or sad ending?