It has been said that New Year is a chance to start anew, it was a time to create new principles that will become the energies and attitudes of mind that will help us succeed regardless of the difficulties and challenges that we face along the way.

Yesterday is the second Sunday of the month and the scriptural topic is about creating principles for the new year, the scripture reading can be found in Genesis 22: 1-10, if I was not mistaken it was also the basis of the previous preaching of Pastor R during an exchange pulpit Sunday. Our pastor (E) says our decision making on important choices was always based on our emotions and feelings, we satisfy our emotions, we don’t choose thing that will make us unhappy.

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These past few days discouragement controlled me, it was those time I felt it is already the end and there isn’t anymore life waiting for me, to have peace and to overcome this unwanted feeling even for a moment  I uttered silent prayer and when our Pastor started preaching I felt like God comforted me and He send the answers right away, He told me to trust, be obedient and have faith in Him that someday things will fall into their right places.

What if God asks for something very important to you?

There are three principles for the new year, the first one is the principle of trust which can be found in verse 1-2 of Genesis chapter 22 when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac on a mountain in the region of Moriah and without hesitation Abraham comply.

Pastor E then asked several questions to everyone like if we do believed that God can control our life for a better future, then he encourage everyone to raised the level of trust to God this New Year and see how good the Lord when we trust Him and let Him hold our life.

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The second principle for a better new year is the principle of obedience which can be found in verse 3-6 of Genesis 22 when Abraham obeyed God and set for a journey with Isaac to the region of Moriah.  It has been said that trusting God is only part of the equation, we should obey Him as well.  We should take note too that delayed obedience is consider disobedience, without action our word will mean very little and faith without work is dead. Pastor E then encourage everyone to follow what God ask us to do, to set aside our emotions and selfishness so we can see how God moves in our lives.

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The third and last principle is the principle of faith which is in Genesis 22: 7-10 when Isaac asked his father Abraham where is the lamb for the burnt offering, Abraham replies that God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering.  Pastor E told everyone that God is good in keeping promises, He will provide and showered His greatest blessings to you just have faith in Him.

Pastor E ended his preaching by challenging everyone to trust on God’s wisdom, follow His direction, have faith to believe and things will find their right place in our lives.

In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, there is only one place to go home that is family. There are no perfect family, there comes a time problems and misunderstanding occurs. My family isn’t perfect like everyone else, we grow in different directions yet our roots remain as one.

Well, since we don’t often go outside our house we don’t really know what is happening around, it was only from a relative that we’ve heard that there is a chaos around the neighborhood a few nights ago. It turns out my older cousin and her husband had a misunderstanding with her parents after her husband advice’s their younger brother in-law not to always play basketball and not to go home late at night when his kids are sick and waiting for him at home and then the drama occurs.

My older cousin and her husband who’s only helping and caring were tagged being envious of the younger family and by the parents too. They were told to move away from their house since their house was built in family land, were told that my older cousin almost lost consciousness when the chaos started, what is admirable her husband didn’t left her side, he stayed until the end and he even questioned her parents in-law why my older cousin was treated unjustly, he remind them that my older cousin is their child too just like their favor child and not a stranger.

Until now, their family wasn’t in good terms. They stopped talking to each other, my older cousin came to our home the other night, she almost cried while story telling how it happened and how her husband cry when her body started to harden since she didn’t let her emotions out. My mother then told her that my older cousin’s mother should not favor any of them because they were both their child, I interrupted them and butt out telling my mother that it was just like her she also favored my younger sister than me, leaving her tongue tied. Although, I have noticed since our huge fight and after telling her how favoritism is ruled inside our house she already stop favoring my younger sister when we quarreled she just tell us to stop because we are both old but my younger sister the tigress and the ungrateful she was won’t stop attacking me until I cried out of frustration, I was very hurt because after all the things I gave to her she doesn’t even know how to appreciate any single of it and have the courage to treat me unjustly.

What is saddening my mother told me to treat her nicely since she is the only one I will be having in the future but seeing how I am treated today, being kick without even a chance to defend myself I have realized I have no one to rely on when I grow old, I will be alone by myself. Such a pity, isn’t it?

Anyway, I told my older cousin that in a few weeks they will start talking again since they are family but she doubts it since her younger sister is planning to sue them for unknown reason, well that’s the problem when pride is higher than the person.

I have read online that family favoritism can create long-term emotional problems and can devastate family relationships and the consequences of parental favoritism are mostly bad. Disfavored children experience worse outcomes across the board: more depression, greater aggressiveness, lower self-esteem, and poorer academic performance.  Many of these consequences persist long after children have grown up and moved out of the house. People don’t soon forget that they were disfavored by their parents, and many people report that being disfavored as a child continues to affect their self-esteem and their relationships in adulthood.

New Year, New Hope that’s what I always heard and read but is it really true or just a false belief invented for people on their wit ends?

Nothing much happening around, I am just staying home watching movies and sleeping without even finishing them and doing some small chores at home. I can’t do heavy work since my chest became so painful when I carry heavy loads; I’ve work hard a few weeks ago and I almost end up being bed ridden. It hurt so much; it feels like some concrete blocks were put in top of my chest, I think I need to see a doctor soon since my back is bothering me too; maybe I already have scoliosis from carrying heavy bags in my back, but my worst thought the lump is getting bigger and affecting some of my nerves already. I was initially planning of saving money little by little so I can see a doctor and have an operation since my parents can’t afford it but blogging isn’t getting any better so I guess I will endure the pain during my entire lifetime.

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More bloggers already stopped blogging because there aren’t more opportunities online and maintaining domains is becoming costly since Goddady removes the discount codes on domain renewals, then bloggers have to pay hosting fee which is also expensive since it cost a few hundred dollars per year or depending on the type of hosting account. Well, like some of the bloggers I know most of my blogs too were prone to deletion this year because I can’t continue my domain and hosting subscription anymore. I was thinking if I should continue maintaining this blog because I will not always be online anymore too since internet load is getting expensive without stable earning online.

Well, I just heard from the neighborhood that the water station is selling their water almost half the price than the re-sellers are selling them, no wonder why a lot of re-sellers like us already stop reselling. I can’t understand how these people are thinking, I have heard from a grapevine before the year ends that someone will also resell beauty products and what is worst they will display them where people in the street can see them (maybe they will built a shop) and if it happens were dead, another source of income will be gone. Yes, it isn’t that strong but it helps a little especially my father has no job; honestly I don’t know what these people feeling towards us because they seems to copy what we started.

In short, 2015 wasn’t a good a year for me, it was the year my light dies and then more unfortunate lucks came, less opportunities online, copycats and my father having no job. Sometimes I am coming to the point of giving up and just sleep forever. So 2016 be kind to me please, don’t give me reason to cry this year I am tired of already that I may not be able to reach 2017 anymore if you will also be bad to me.

It was been my habit to say “always look at the bright side” but when I passed through the dark tunnel of life I have closed my eyes and I can’t see any light like I am blind; there is no bright side it is pitched black.

Today is the first Sunday of the month and as usual the church service started at 7 o’clock in the morning the spiritual topic is Fulfilling Life Purposes from the book of Psalms 90: 12.

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All of us have different purpose and mission in life, have you found yours? What is God’s purpose in your life? Are you fulfilling that purpose? These were the question raised to us by our pastor and after which he informed everyone that we could find our life purpose if we remain teachable throughout our brief life span, by learning to manage our given time well and allow ourselves to be transformed as God intends.

We went to neighboring town today, my friend just loss her husband from sudden death. The funeral was held in her husband’s hometown, I have heard her husband just complaint for a headache and started vomiting and the rest is history. It was shocking and very painful for her because she isn’t prepared or expecting for it nor their children. It was sudden, it was like a thief that comes through the night and left without a trace. I cannot fathom the pain she felt it was maybe worse than the pain I am carrying within me.

But, thanks to an old school friend because the supposed to be sad and painful meeting became light and full of laughter even for a short while, she surely brought happiness to her, to us, because if it was just me alone it would be hard for me to console her.

There is New Year’s Eve service last night so I went to the church to attend it, getting inside the church there are some young people giving white candles and a small piece of white paper to people coming in.

The service consists of three different reflection and meditation for the past year, it started by turning out all the lights inside the church and lighting up a large candle and then passing the light and lighting up the candles that were given to everyone.  Our Pastor’s wife then read a passage from the bible from the book of Matthew 5: 14 and then everyone was asked how are light shone the past year, when does our light dies and when does it shine. Everyone was encourage to shine and continue passing the light to others.

The next reflection and meditation was all about forgiveness, it was leaded my Ms. E she was the preacher the previous Sunday. The reflection was from the book of Jeremiah 9: 26-28 which tells the story about how the Isralites meet in the temple to confess, it was told that when the status of their living is good they tend to forgot God so God punishes them by giving them trials and problems and that’s where they cry out to God and God put them in a right direction. I was just like the Isralites I have forgot God when my life is good, when everything was fine and I only remember Him when my life crumbles, when I became hopeless so I guess the hurt, the pain was my punishment from God for being forgetful, He simply reminds me that I am going in a wrong direction.

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God forgives and forgiveness comes when we confess, forgiveness is out of compassion. Ms. E says we cannot forgive when we don’t have compassion; forgiveness is a mission so she told everyone to forgive as the Lord forgives because we are not perfect and we all commit mistakes.

Then our pastor asked everyone to take-out the piece of small paper that were given to us and then everyone was asked to imagine writing all the things we want to ask for forgiveness in one side and on the other side the people we want to forgive, and then we are asked to go to the altar to bury the white paper in the sand and then we are told not to dig them anymore, to forget the past and not bring them in the present.

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The last reflection and meditation was about the solid rock in Joshua 4:1-9, God is the solid rock; He is the strong foundation, our hiding place and home.  Our pastor told everyone that in every task that the Isralites completed they built memorial to serve as reminder of God’s faithfulness, and for the knowledge of the new generation then everyone was asked to picked a stone in the altar, and utter a prayer and wish to God what do we want this coming year and the stone we choose will serve as a memoir.

A year has ended and a new year came, some people are celebrating today and some are grieving. I was cleaning my toe nails at home when someone call my name from the outside, I don’t need to stand to see who it was because the visitor was already right in our door, it was my college friend and classmate who went home in our town to celebrate the holidays, we lived in one barangay.

Apparently, they’re looking for ice packs but unfortunately our ice packs are all sold out, she stayed a bit and from her I have heard the bad news about what happened to a friend’s husband (E) one day after Christmas.  I was really shocked because it was my first time hearing about it that made her wonder on why I didn’t see it on Facebook, unknown to everybody I have deactivated my account on the said social network since I can’t stand happy updates from online friends.  I forgot my manners to offer her a chair because my mind was preoccupied on what had happened to my friend’s husband, it was only almost a week ago when a schoolmate asked for my number because this friend  (E) is asking for it but since I have no mobile phone I wasn’t able to hand over my number.

E is my classmate and friend since grade school until college, we are not too close but we are not too distant since she has other group of friends in the classroom and I have mine too, she treated me snacks when I am empty handed, I’ve been to their home many times, I ate lunch on their home a few times, our parents know each other so I guess we might not be the best of friends but we are friends beyond definition.

The news is depressing but like what I have learned through my journey there is no permanent thing in this world.  We are all by passers and someday our time to go will come… stay strong E… [insert personal message].

On my dream last night I found myself and other people inside a newly built home, it was clean and newly painted.  It looks like we are preparing for a game, we’re handed some cards and we have to find something written in the card. I took a different path and went inside a different corridor while the other people went together, as I am walking alone I saw a kitchen where there are a few females in the counter, one of them is my friend and classmate G. I tried to hid and walked behind a wall so she couldn’t see me but I still end up in the kitchen then I saw myself giving each of them something in shiny yellow plastic (sort of pastillas) and then G and I talked about something and I end up telling her that we all have the same destiny enumerating our circle of friends.

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I went out the house, I was initially hesitating if I should go out or not and then I found myself outside our neighbor’s old torn house looking through the piles of high-heeled sandals it was like I am pressing them if their heels are soft or hard. I picked a shiny sandals with a little dirt in the heels then I saw my aunt coming to me saying something and across the street in the irrigation I saw an older cousin saying something to me as well it looks like he is also searching for something, when I woke I cannot remember what is the conversation all about.

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Procrastination attacked me that I can’t write about my dreams lately. Well, I don’t know how this dream the other night started but I am with my mother and sister, and in my dream we are in some sort of an event and I saw a tall clown, and then I found ourselves riding in the clown, it looks like there is small basket where people can stand. The clown walked behind the trees, we are literally above the trees because I can see the trees below and the ground. We continue walking until we’ve seen a parade, the drummers and majorette were wearing pink uniforms it looks like they are all kids, and it was like there is a Boy Scout event. We descended where two people assisted us and then I hand over money as payment for the ride while they are folding a long deflated balloon which is the ride we just used and then we walked towards the parade but they are already a bit far and all we can see is their backs.

Then on the next night student dream visited me again, in my dream I am with a school friend and we are both wearing skirts (school uniform), we are opening our backpack and someone is filling them up with gifts and I was very happy when our bags are too full that we can’t close them anymore, I am jumping and dancing in joy.

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My dream a few nights ago is weird and familiar; I have seen myself with some of my immediate relatives as a passenger inside a van and some unknown persons at the front seat wearing black clothes. It looks like we are going somewhere then we stopped along the narrow road, my relatives went down because I saw them across the street while I remain inside the van, there are some people with me and they are wearing black clothes. The narrow road in my dream is the road along the cemetery in waking life, what happen next we are in a dirt and muddy cross road, we are about to leave but some of my relatives wasn’t in the van yet and we are waiting for them, then they arrived continuously, a cousin with burgers on her hand came from the other side of the road, she told us that she was in an errand to get a burger. Well, the van seems got new passengers because seating arrangement were changed and I was a bit worried about an older cousin losing her spot, an older female cousin is paying for the trip because in my dream she came from a rich family.

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We continue our journey and we stopped a bit when we are nearing our destination because we could already see the magnificent site. We had a complete stop when we reached the place which is a tourist attraction, I was in jest because it isn’t my first time to be in the place, and I have visited the site already. The place was really familiar it seems I know every nook and corner of the place and I even know the importance and roles of the ancient buildings. I’ve seen myself with a backpack and plastic bags of food, inside my bag there is a camera but I am delaying taking it out to snap some photos for unknown reason, maybe because I have been in the place and have pictures of it already.

Then I don’t know how it happened, I and my relatives are in a bee farm, it looks like one because I’ve seen myself tinkering or pinning a cultured bee hive.