Sleep paralysis visited me last night, it feels like I was awake but I am not and as expected I have struggled many times to wake up. It feels like I woke up and then I was back again into sleep state and will struggle again to open my eyes. I felt so ice cold that I am trying to turn off the electric fan and I am trying to reach it out so I could wake up, and when I finally wake up, I was startled why I felt icy cold when it is very warm and hot. Does it mean, my body is already losing its warm and I am already leaving it? Anyway, with the little strength I have I forced myself to wake up and get off the bed, went to the bathroom and wash my face and tried not to sleep again because I don’t know if I could wake up myself again.

[Photo courtesy of Larisa-K/pixabay.com]

Yes, I was so scared to sleep again that I don’t want to close my eyes but due to tiredness I fell asleep and dream. I have seen myself with classmates somewhere, we are holding an umbrella and it wasn’t clear to me if everyone is wearing black. In our back there is a small tiny shack at the foot of the hill, there’s water running, making the ground wet and then my dream hop seeing myself and classmates getting inside our grade 3 classroom but the teacher was different it wasn’t our adviser but another teacher in the same grade. She was very happy and teary eye for us visiting and remembering, she was also thankful to our class president and when I went near our teacher she hardly remember who am I and my dream ended.

In the blink of an eye everything can change. So forgive often and love with all of your heart. You never know when you may  not have that chance again.

When I wake up in the morning I have asked my mother if I am trying to turn off the electric fan because I would like to know if it was a dream or I was really trying to do it. She said yes but I wasn’t satisfied with her answer because I would like to know more of what I did in my sleep state, but as expected they didn’t understand what I had gone through and even gets angry for asking too much details. Nobody is willing to listen, they care less about my story so I told them someone is already dying beside you but they don’t even know and they couldn’t even care.

Oh, should I also mention that the previous night my mother dreamed that I die, someone told her in her dream that I am already dead.

This wasn’t the first time I had sleep paralysis, back in Korea in our old apartment every night or any time I slept in the day I have nightmares and sleep paralysis, I had a sleep deprivation that time because I was too scared to sleep.

Dreaming is part of our good night sleep; we sometimes dream a good dream, sometimes scary and sometimes a bad dream.  Sometimes dreams serve as a warning and sometimes an inspiration, I have dream some things but sometimes it ends up with a contrasting result, it was maybe brought by depression. I have been dreaming every thing will be alright but in reality they were not because I think someone’s heart was already covered in ice.

Well, I have been planning to create a separate blog to journal my dreams but I always end up not doing it. I have thought of creating one when I always experience sleep paralysis, it was really hard for me to wake up and I felt really exhausted upon waking up. My sleep paralysis ended when one night and I went to the kitchen to drink water without turning on the light, I saw a black shadow in front me, I was froze in one moment and when I blink he was gone in front of me and I sense another unseen beings giggling at my back. It was not that scary experience, it was more of a friendly gesture but I still end up sleeping inside the blanket uttering prayer for the being to see the light and find peace.

Since then, I never felt disturbing presence around me. The feeling of someone looking over your shoulders when cooking or washing dishes were gone, the being maybe already left or already went with the light. The last time I had a sleep paralysis was just this year, after my world turn upside down, I was so depressed honestly I don’t want to wake up that time and just let myself die but I have thought I am not ready yet, I still left some works to do.  So I tried to wake up and gladly I did.

Aside from seeing and feeling another being around, there are times I can see things when I closed my eyes, the unforgettable one was when one night when we are preparing to sleep, when I closed my eyes I saw a long haired guy, I tried to open my eyes but every time I closed it I am seeing the guy again, so I went beyond and wander, the guy looks like an aboriginal people in the West (Indian). His nose is bleeding, literally blood is running down coming from his nose and he isn’t smiling nor frowning, was it just like I am seeing a head turning around, like a prototype.  Then afterwards I’ve seen like a wall of large pot made of clay, it was brown and the design was very distinctive.

It was unforgettable because after few days, we received a news that J’s nephew died in an accident but before we are informed of it I’ve seen someone went to the kitchen from the bed when I went out the bathroom, I was honestly surprised when I saw J in bed and even told him that I though he went to the kitchen.  I didn’t connect the long haired guy to J’s nephew’s accident but when I accompanied him to the airport, I was lost going home and went to a wrong station. Going out the station finding my way out, I have seen the brown wall that is made of clay and that’s the time the connection sink to me.

I always felt like I am clairvoyant maybe I have third eye but it wasn’t opened, not fully opened. There are times I want it opened but then I am scared of consequences seeing things I shouldn’t see and knowing things I shouldn’t know.

Well, it was been a long time since I see nor feel strange things around me but with my current state I am embracing the gift again. Last night, I’ve dream something weird. The year doesn’t seem the present it was like it happened a few years back, houses were straw huts.  On my dream, a distant relative died, an uncle presumably.  There is a lot of people, the wife is crying the body is laying in the wooden bench, and when the body is trying to be covered by a wooden thing, maybe it is a coffin, at first try it doesn’t fit then in my naked eye it feels like the body was breathing, on the second try while trying to fit and cover him with the wooden coffin the body moves,  pushing away the arms and the wooden thing out his face and then he started coughing and choking, then I woke up.  It is weird isn’t it?

I have searched the meaning of it and what I found in one blog (see here) – The classical Chinese dream interpretation says that seeing a coffin or seeing the dead rise up from the coffin indicates the coming of wealth. Does it mean I am going to win a lottery or maybe I will dug out golds and jewelries?

[ Tagged In ] Black Shadow, Clairvoyance, Clairvoyant Abilities, Clairvoyant Dreams, Closed-eye Hallucinations, Psyhic Dream, Seeing Another Being, Seeing Something When Eyes are Closed, Sleep Paralysis, Waking up Tired After Dreaming